Within minutes of the greased piglet proving to be rather less slippery than his supporters had expected, Operation Save Big Dog went into overdrive, with loyal MPs sticking their faces in front of any passing TV camera. First up was Nadhim Zahawi. “There was a ballot,” he said. Nothing gets past him. “Fifty plus one is a majority and Boris did much better than that.” Er, quite. If by better, you mean worse than Margaret Thatcher and Theresa May, both of whom were effectively finished as prime minister.
The education secretary pressed on. Struggling to explain the magnitude of the joy that would be felt throughout the world at Boris Johnson’s miraculous triumph, Zahawi alighted on Ukraine. Thousands of people who had been sheltering from Russian airstrikes in the Donbas would be taking to the streets to cheer the Convict. What’s more, Volodymyr Zelenskiy would be offering up prayers for Johnson’s temporary salvation. As if on cue, the Ukrainian president did indeed tweet his pleasure. He takes his job as Boris’s therapist very seriously. That will be 80 guineas and two chieftain tanks for that intervention.
