One in three Brits will develop dementia in their lifetime – but 27% refuse to discuss with their partner how they would like to be looked after if it happened to them, research has found.
Two in five adults (42%), who are married or in a long-term relationship, say their partner will try to change the subject if a serious topic of conversation is brought up – with 19% refusing to talk about the subject of will-writing.
Illness and death in general are seen by many couples as too uncomfortable to address – with 48% avoiding having such difficult conversations with their partner, preferring to keep things light.
But a third, of the 2,000 adults polled, feel their relationship would be strengthened if they and their partner were more open with one another.
Dr Tim Beanland, Head of Knowledge at Alzheimer’s Society, which commissioned the research as part of its “Ultimate Vow” campaign, said: “Some of the more important conversations we need to have with our partners are also the most challenging.
“People need to feel comfortable and equipped to open up and ask those difficult questions.
“When it comes to dementia, it’s usually those closest to us who first notice changes that could indicate something is wrong, so it’s vital to speak up.”
More than seven in ten (72%) of those surveyed admitted there are simply some topics that are much harder to discuss than others.
Picking the right moment to broach a subject was the key to making a difficult chat easier, according to 45% – while couples therapy was the next most effective option for relationship issues.
And 68% confessed dementia is one of the illnesses they fear most – with their partner forgetting who they are, losing their best friend, and missing the way they usually spoke to each other, seen as the biggest struggles to overcome.
Four in five of those polled, via OnePoll, said managing life in general would be a difficult task while tending to an ill partner – with only 24% having discussed the wishes of their other half were they to get dementia.
Dr Beanland, from Alzheimer’s Society, which has a “relationship hub” on their website, where people can find advice on how to approach such sensitive topics, added: “A chat around a partner’s worrying symptoms, or wishes should they have dementia, must be approached sensitively.
“We have a wealth of information to help people feel more confident having these conversations, as we’ve seen the difficulties couples affected by dementia can face when fulfilling their vow to be there for each other “in sickness and in health”.
“It can feel overwhelming, but we’re here to provide that help and hope, every step of the way.
“A third of us will develop dementia in our lifetimes, but we at Alzheimer’s Society vow to end the devastation caused by the condition.”
PROMPTS ON HOW TO START A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION:
- “Thank you for sitting down with me today and making the time to talk. I really appreciate it.”
- “I know life can get in the way of communicating properly sometimes. I have missed talking with you openly.”
- “How have you been feeling lately, physically and emotionally?”
- “I have been worried recently. I don’t think you’ve been yourself. How do you feel?”
- “Do you have any health worries you’d like me to know about?”
- “Have you been struggling with anything recently? Physically or mentally?”
- “I noticed that [insert change in behaviour], such as the time when [insert example]. What do you think about this?”
- “Can you remember when [insert example of behaviour/incident]? That worried me. Can we talk about it?”
