This Saturday at 10.20am, all eyes will be on King Charles and Camilla as they travel the 1.3 miles from Buckingham Palace to Westminster Abbey in their £1.5m Diamond jubilee state coach. That’s roughly a £10 ride in an Uber. At 1pm, they will return to Buckingham Palace in their £3.5m gold state coach, again drawn by six Windsor Grey horses. There they will appear on the balcony for a ceremonial flypast. Or, if you prefer, Channel 4 is showing Frasier, Johnny English Strikes Again and Formula E.
What does it feel like knowing half of the world will be settling down with their prosecco and Pringles to gawp at you? There would have to be an administrative error of cataclysmic proportions for me to be accidentally crowned king, or even to share part of the big day with him. But I can find out what it’s like to be part of the royal fuss. Bafta-winning film-maker, artist and photographer Alison Jackson – famous for shooting a fake Diana flicking the Vs, a fake Queen drinking tea in bed and a fake Donald Trump partying with the KKK – has organised a phoney coronation complete with Charles and Camilla lookalikes and horse-drawn carriage. And it turns out that she needs a footman to open carriage doors and light Camilla’s fags. What can possibly go wrong?
