An Iranian keeping a diary expressing his doubts about the war’s outcome, even shedding a tear over its impact on his grandmother, might not seem extraordinary but for the fact the diarist is the son of the president.
Apart from fierce loyalty to his father, Masoud Pezeshkian, the former heart surgeon elected to the presidency in 2024 who he says he has not seen since the war started, Yousef Pezeshkian’s daily reflections on social media chart how the war effort is going, its impact on ordinary Iranians and how he believes the fight could be made more effective.
The 45-year-old assistant professor in physics reveals no official state secrets, says he has none, and questions the value of knowing some information 48 hours before others. He instead hears what is happening from television or social media. Yet in Iran’s highly censored society, he reveals the fluctuating hopes and fears of a government supporter, and one who is familiar with it.
In one entry he writes: “Noon, the sound of missiles was heard, and it was raining. The weather in Tehran had become pleasant and spring-like. I wished I had a camera to take pictures of the beautiful city views. I wished there was no war and I could bring my wife and children to walk in the city streets.”
He expresses anger about the internet blackout imposed by the Iranian government, the censored news and gripes about his father’s apology to the Gulf states, who have been on the receiving end of Iranian missiles.
In one conversation in an empty park his friend recounts how “a few nights ago he dreamed that a missile fell near their house. The next day, he took essential supplies from the house and sent his children to their maternal grandmother’s house. Yesterday his dream came true. Their house was destroyed.”
Pezeshkian adds: “While telling the story, his hands were shaking. I said: ‘Ask your dream tomorrow what will be the fate of the war.’ We laugh. Even amid worries, one can find an excuse to laugh.”
He does however address decision making over the war, reflecting debates within Iran: “What is seriously disputed is how long we should fight? For ever? Until the complete destruction of Israel and the withdrawal of the US? Until the complete destruction or surrender of Iran? We must review the end-of-war scenarios. Which scenario is more likely? Which one is desirable for us?”
Another entry states that “correct decision-making requires information”. He adds: “We must estimate our weapons supply capability. 1- How many months of fighting can our missile stockpile and missile production capacity support? 2- How many months has the enemy prepared itself for war? In other words: will our endurance be greater or the enemy’s?”
Pezeshkian is certain that Iran’s leaders are in the right, asking: “Which side lies? Was Iran seeking a nuclear bomb? Did Iran want to attack America? Did the government kill 40,000 people?” – a seeming reference to the bloody crackdown on anti-government protests in January, where death toll estimates range from the thousands to more than 35,000. “Well, when one side constantly lies, why trust them?”
He continues: “Yes, we have faults. We have made mistakes. We are not infallible. But our mistakes are not at a level that justifies America and Israel in this war or makes us guilty. I say with certainty that God is not on America’s side.”
He admits writing the diary can be hard: “Sometimes the words and thoughts I want to express become like a mosquito buzzing around my head; when I reach out to catch them, they fly away. This makes writing so exhausting.”
He consumes the news like anyone, or sometimes hears rumours: “The news says they hit Kharg Island. But only the military parts. They wanted to threaten that they can strike. Yes, they can strike. Then Iran hits other places. Then they escalate to a higher level, and we raise the level of conflict with them. The question is, how far can the tension be escalated?”
Sometimes the news shakes him: “From 3 o’clock, news of the martyrdom of Ali Larijani, his son, some of his deputies, and the Basij commander spread on social media. I really didn’t want to believe it. We must not allow the enemy to have another successful assassination. If we cannot stop the Zionists’ assassination machine, we will be defeated,” he writes.
Pezeshkian’s posts reveal he hears criticism of Iran’s government and his father, especially the decision on 7 March to apologise to the Gulf leaders, which he calls an “ethical duty” as he defends it: “I know how much my father tried to improve relations with neighbours and Muslim countries in the region. How bitter it is that to defend ourselves we have to strike US bases in our friendly countries. I do not know if they understand our situation.” He adds that after the war “we will need our neighbours”.
Apart from endurance, he believes it will be national unity that can save Iran. He insists Iran is not on the verge of a morale collapse, and has the means to fight for several more months.
But his diary does allow for more personal moments: “After 19 days of war, today I finally cried. Several times.”
“I had gone to see my grandmother. In the first week of the war, they hadn’t even told her that the leader had been martyred. She was unaware of everything. She asked why everywhere they showed the leader’s picture … Later she found out and mourned for all the martyrs.
“When she saw me, she cried, and I comforted her and smiled, saying everything is normal. Nothing has happened. It’s war. They hit us, and we hit back, and so on.”
But after he left her front door, he collapsed in tears, he writes: “Nothing is normal.”
