Gary and Trinity Tuttle were like any other expectant parents in April 2021: nervous but excited to meet their baby. For the couple, this pregnancy was extra special due to the fact that it happened after five unsuccessful rounds of IVF.
They were shopping for outfits, getting the nursery ready, and planning visits to family for soon after their baby arrived. But at 40 weeks, the expectant couple suffered a tragic loss when they found out that their baby was no longer alive in the womb.
Trinity, 33, gave birth to their son, Orion. Since their loss, the couple have had no answers for why their son had passed away.
Read more: 'Our baby daughter would be alive today if we hadn't been failed by maternity services'.
The week before their baby was due, the couple, from Wokingham, headed to the hospital as Trinity was experiencing what she thought was Braxton Hicks contractions. Though there was still some movement, they could not feel the same kicks that they were used to throughout the pregnancy.
At the hospital, doctors were unable to find a heartbeat for their baby. The news was unbelievably painful, and Trinity and Gary were faced with the decision of how to give birth, knowing their child would be stillborn.
Gary, 39, said: "It was so surreal. The pain is unbelievable and the questions are endless – how did this happen, what did we do wrong? You feel helpless and powerless. We were sent home that night to think through what we wanted to do. We both called our parents to tell them. Then we just lay in bed. There was no chance of getting to sleep."
At around 1am, Trinity started bleeding and the couple returned to the hospital. They were checked into a private room overnight and were due to see a consultant in the morning. Over the next couple of days, Trinity and Gary spoke to a number of consultants about their options for giving birth.
On Sunday, April 4, Trinity gave birth via C-section. It was an emotional time for Gary and Trinity, who met their little boy in the hospital recovery room. Gary said: "It was a very emotional moment and there were a lot of tears as we learnt we’d had a baby boy. We were so excited and in love with him from the moment we found out we were pregnant, and now we finally got to hold him and see him. We got to spend the next couple of days with Orion in the hospital. We were in our own little bubble – just us, and our closest friends and family."
Trinity and Gary felt that they needed answers to why their son had sadly died. So they made the decision for Orion to be taken from Wokingham to Oxford for an autopsy. Despite this, they knew they were unlikely to get all the answers they needed - up to 60% of stillbirths are still not explained. Gary said: "Once we were back home, we just cried. Everything that we used to do we didn’t want to. We didn’t want to see or speak to anyone and just shut the world out. Everything we had planned was shattered, and our lives felt so empty. At times, it was hard to see the point in anything."
After the autopsy, Trinity and Gary were able to have their son at home for a day in a cold cot. They dressed him in a new babygrow, and took him for a walk in the pram - all the things they were looking forward to doing with their new baby. Over the next four days, the family were able to visit Orion in the funeral home as they made arrangements to say goodbye.
This was the hardest times of the couple's lives. Trinity and Gary suffered unimaginable grief and struggled to leave the house much. Gary lost his passion for running and didn't want to see anyone. He said: "No parent ever wants to organise their baby’s funeral, and this was one of the things we found the hardest. Our minister was amazing, though, and did most of the work, so we only had to make minimal decisions.
"I normally ran a lot, but I didn’t feel like it at the time. Trin would encourage me out the door to run, but it was hard. We had spent a week in our small hospital room, not walking more than a few feet. I didn’t want to leave Trin on her own and didn’t want to be away from her. If I did go out, I wanted to be alone, but a lot of the time I had no motivation to."
When the autopsy results came back, the news was not what they had hoped for. Everything came back normal. Trinity and Gary would never know why their son had died just days before he was due to be born.
Now, Gary is supporting Tommy's - a charity dedicated to supporting parents during pregnancy, and identifying how pregnancies can go wrong. They aim to make the UK the safest place on earth to have a baby.
This year, Gary will run four 100-mile races and four 50-mile races in memory of Orion. He has so far raised over £8,500 on his fundraising page, with the goal of reaching £10,000 for Tommy's.
