People tie the knot hoping for a happily ever after, but sometimes, even decades of living together can’t guarantee it.
Yesterday, a Reddit user, who for the sake of this publication we’ll call Writin_M, uploaded an emotional personal story to the community ‘TwoXChromosomes.’
In it, the woman described the moment when her husband hurt her feelings by dismissing her medical emergency, and her post acts as a powerful reminder that marriage is something you have to work on, not just achieve.
This woman had to go to the hospital
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
But her husband didn’t seem to be very supportive
Image credits: Vincent Rivaud / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image source: writin_mya**off
Mutual support is so, so important
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo)
Generally, married people are happier than singles. For instance, marital status is a stronger predictor of American adult well-being than education, race, age, and gender, according to recently released data from the Institute for Family Studies and Gallup.
The findings revealed that married women and men both see a 20-percentage-point advantage compared to their unmarried peers.
Other research supports this notion. Take this analysis of data from NORC at the University of Chicago’s General Social Survey spanning nearly 50 years. The survey has been asking adults in the US about their happiness since 1972 and has turned up a consistent 70 percent/30 percent split between those who say they are “very happy” or “pretty happy” and those who claim they are “not too happy.”
And although the share of married Americans has consistently declined since the seventies, these numbers also show that marriage is “an unparalleled factor in happiness,” with married people persistently finishing up to 30 percentage points happier than unmarried people.
However, when you zoom in on an individual level, stories like this one illustrate the many challenges that lie down the road.
Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., who is a psychologist and the Director of the Center for Progressive Development in Washington, DC, says couples who feel unsupported by their partner may end up feeling like they’re missing a key ingredient in their relationship.
“Research corroborates what we see clinically: mutual support, and mutuality around differences and decision-making are necessary for a healthy relationship,” LaBier writes.
The good thing is that Writin_M’s husband and other people can get better at it. For that, the psychologist suggests:
- Work to expand awareness of your own feelings, desires, and goals — both immediate and long-term — within the relationship. (Keep in mind that it may require outside help or meditative practice.)
- Expand your awareness into and within the other person’s feelings, desires, and goals — again, immediate and long-term — within your relationship. Step outside of yourself and dive into that person’s world as best as you can.
- Observe and acknowledge the impact you have upon your significant other. It may be verbal or non-verbal, or even by physical presence and appearance. Pay attention to what you see in their reaction.
- Observe and accept the impact the other has upon you as well. Similarly, it may be verbal or non-verbal aspects of that person’s presence or vibes that trigger an emotional response. (It may even be unrelated to that person, per se, but to an association, you’re not sufficiently conscious of.)
Hopefully, this couple will find a way to move forward. In one of her comments, Writin_M did say that her husband “is a good man in many, many [other] ways.”
After sharing her story, the woman joined the discussion in the comments
And people have been eagerly sharing their reactions to it
Some also disclosed their own similar experiences
