I became a Belieber more than a decade ago in summer, but my love for Justin Bieber felt like it mattered the most during Christmas.
Christmas in Pennsylvania used to be magical. I remember the times it was actually cold enough to snow in December. Being snowed in automatically meant we were going to have a cozy, jolly but mostly drunk-off-of-hot-chocolate time. Christmas and birthdays were really the only time my siblings and I were ever given anything. Growing up middle class in Pennsylvania means you have to earn your small luxuries.
If did my chores, made my bed and dusted our house, it was only then I earned my allowance money. My diligent dad would give me a couple of dollars as my well-earned reward. So week by week, month by month, I’d save up every bill to buy an iTunes gift card. I would use this trusty $15 card to buy some of the pop music that would change the course of my life when I was 12 years old.
That was in 2011, when I purchased Bieber’s Christmas classic “Mistletoe” on my iPod Touch. A mere $1.29 would fundamentally shift my adolescent life forever. The dopamine hit that fired into my brain while hearing Bieber’s teenage falsetto felt like Christmas morning magic. This was an era of my life when boys just became an endless parasocial fantasy, and Bieber in particular was who I had my sights set on. I would call myself a big Belieber back then. But in my Evangelical household, I attempted to keep my obsession with Bieber a secret — one only he and I would know about — my parents be damned.
In "Mistletoe," the 17-year-old pop star sings, “It’s the most beautiful time of year. Lights fill the street spreading so much cheer.” Oh boy, he was right. I don’t know if you’ve heard “Mistletoe” but it’s almost impossible to ignore the sense of whimsy and lightness hearing Bieber sing that he doesn’t want to miss out on the holiday, “But I can't stop staring at your face. I should be playing in the winter snow. But I'ma be under the mistletoe.” I can remember hearing "Mistletoe" on my way to school in my earbuds or it playing during a Christmas party at school.
While I felt like I was the special someone he was singing to in “Mistletoe” so did millions of other girls. The song sold 164,000 copies in its first week of release, placing it at No. 5 on the Billboard charts. Currently, the Christmas bop has nearly one billion streams, sitting at the top of Bieber’s most popular songs on Spotify with 800 million streams. So let’s just say, with 500 million views on YouTube, I know I wasn’t going to be actually kissing Bieber under the mistletoe like he was singing about.
Beliebers, unite
I’ve been a Belieber since the early days of his career when he was discovered on YouTube, playing guitar and sitting on stairs singing his little heart out. But when millions of other pre-teen girls, including myself, fell for Bieber, the rest of the world felt the opposite. In 2010, the internet specifically was a place where the young singer, who was only 15 going on 16, was ridiculed for his particularly lovestruck song “Baby," which has amassed a whopping 15 million dislikes on its YouTube video. His high-pitched voice and cringy bowl cut with side-swept bangs didn’t really help either. But I and every other teenage girl felt it was within our power to shield Bieber from this kind of hate. So we made him even more popular.
This love was amplified the following year with Bieber's revealing concert film/documentary “Never Say Never” directed by John M. Chu. Besides "Step Up 3D," the success of this music documentary allowed Chu to move on to direct “Crazy Rich Asians” and two big-screen musicals: "In the Heights" and “Wicked.” And in return, Chu had helped shape Bieber's public persona. I saw “Never Say Never” with the full 3-D experience during opening week with my closest childhood friends. Afterward, I even painted the 3-D glasses with Bieber’s favorite color, purple. I felt so close to Bieber, so it’s no wonder that when “Mistletoe” came out, it was guaranteed to be the fantastical, Christmas fangirl song of my dreams. (Oh, I can't forget that I also purchased other songs off his Christmas album “Under the Mistletoe” too like “Christmas Love” and “Drummer Boy” featuring rapper Busta Rhymes.)
"Mistletoe" marked a turning point, showing a maturing Bieber whose voice had deepened. He had even ditched the bowl cut to show a different side of himself and transition into a more fully dimensional bonafide star. And that’s exactly what happened. After Bieber’s Christmas album, he dropped his third studio album “Believe” which featured the grown, more mature version of Bieber in his lead single “Boyfriend” and pop radio hit “Beauty and The Beat” featuring Nicki Minaj.
This is the Bieber I closely associate with my coming of age. He no longer felt like the “Baby” singer everyone was so hellbent on pigeonholing him as. He was more reminiscent of a new, slightly edgy version of Justin Timberlake who had just left NSYNC. But the thing I fondly remember of this era was that I was growing alongside Bieber – even though he is five years my senior. I remember 13-year-olds grinding and dance-battling to “Beauty and The Beat” at my middle school dances. My awkward, short limbs moved frantically whenever one of his songs came on. My parents would have no idea what kind of unholiness was happening at these dances — young, impressionable girls screeching to Bieber.
As of this March, Bieber has officially entered his 30s, and his life has now radically shifted from some of his high highs as a Millennial child star. He’s married to model Hailey Baldwin, now Hailey Bieber. The couple also just had their first son, Jack Blues Bieber. His last album “Justice” was released nearly four years ago and garnered a handful of Grammys nominations, even the coveted nod of album of the year. It seems like the singer’s life has slowed down.
Memories of "Mistletoe"
“Mistletoe” is now 13 years old, nearly the same age I was when it first hit my iPod. More than a decade later, I’m 25 and I listen to it in my cozy, warm apartment, singing along to it with my roommate. Or more recently, on a cold, rainy December night at The Witching Hour in Bushwick. My friend and I were sitting at the bar when the first few twinkling notes of "Mistletoe" began.
For most of my adult life, my Bieber obsession has faded into a faint memory, creeping back in when small moments like this trigger it. The nostalgia washed over me as the karaoke singer attempted to hit some of Bieber's silky high notes, and my friend and I are the only ones who acted as his backup singers. I don't really know if I have the same glint in my eye that I did when I first heard this song but it still hits just the same.
"Mistletoe" brings back the familiar feeling of yearning for something during the holiday season. Maybe I just want a shawty to spend it with as Bieber sings. But really, it brings me back to the 12-year-old who loved Christmas and never wanted that feeling to end. So I’d hit replay on “Mistletoe” again.
