Emily Suvaal vividly remembers the smell of the adult psychiatric unit to she was admitted at age 16 for treatment of anorexia.
She recalls the lino flooring, the metal-framed bed, the hole in her door where the lock had been removed, the 12-foot-high metal fence she attempted to climb over during a desperate and futile escape plan and the fear.
These were details the newly elected Labor upper house MP shared during her 26-minute first speech in the New South Wales parliament.
“I really agonised over whether to or whether or not to include that personal detail,” she says, from her new Macquarie St office.
“Really, nobody knew. Nobody in this building would have known.”
Her closest political allies, former colleagues and friends didn’t know her story. Even her husband learned things that day.
“There are a few very graphic memories that I have … but it felt fairly important to include them because they form such a large part of who I am, but also why I’m here,” she says.
“There was also no halfway – I’m an all-or-nothing person, that’s just who I am.”
Suvaal was admitted to hospitals across Sydney for treatment for anorexia about 10 times between the ages of 14 and 16, after being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as a child.
The strict regime she used to manage that disease became a fully fledged eating disorder within a matter of years.
By 16, the incredibly sick teenager became a self-described “high school dropout” after leaving James Ruse Agricultural High – the highest-performing school in the state – due to the illness.
Her school teacher mother and pianist father tried to get her help as they watched her “basically starve to death”.
Eventually, she was released into supported housing in her mid-20s, unable to go home because it had become “too detrimental for everyone having me there”.
There she continued to receive treatment and help, quit smoking and eventually started working part-time before studying to become a nurse at the Westmead children’s hospital and then as a trade union official organising fellow nurses.
The NSW Nurses and Midwives’ Association general secretary, Shaye Candish, worked with Suvaal for almost a decade but did not know about her battle until she heard her speech from the public gallery.
“She’s a talent, which is why when she decided to run for the party we were crushed,” she says.
“She’s a real person, she’s had real jobs. When we characterise the political class, she’s the opposite to that.”
When Suvaal accepted preselection ahead of the March election, she and her husband, the Cessnock mayor Jay Suvaal, decided that he would take on the lion’s share of caring for their two boys, aged four and two.
Then came last month’s tragic bus crash that killed 10 in the Hunter Valley and saw Jay Suvaal quickly try to help however he could.
Suvaal says it was “horrendous” for the whole community.
“It was never supposed to happen,” she says.
Suvaal hopes she can achieve positive change, including improving options for people seeking treatment for mental health conditions.
“I’m very grateful to the people that have reached out to me since because it kind of has really cemented and reassured me that I did do the right thing,” Suvaal says.
“It’s really opened a dialogue.”
Alongside a host of committee work, Suvaal will head up the parliamentary friends of mental health group and advise the housing and mental health minister, Rose Jackson.
“Politicians talk often in stupid ways that people can’t relate to,” Jackson says.
But she thinks people like Suvaal represent a change – those willing to serve “warts and all”.
“It’s a powerful lesson about telling your story – it can be hard but there is a yearning for real people and real connection,” she says.
Community mental health is at the top of Suvaal reform list, alongside housing.
“Community mental health is an area that has been quite lacking in our state and more generally,” she said.
“That is an absolutely crucial link for someone in terms of ensuring recovery from mental illness.”
In Australia, the Butterfly Foundation is on 1800 33 4673 and Lifeline is on 13 11 14. In the UK, Beat can be contacted on 0808-801-0677. In the US, the National Eating Disorders Association is on 800-931-2237. Other international helplines can be found at Eating Disorder Hope.