If we’re ranking the best times of the year, it probably goes a little something like this. Third place, the week your annoying colleague is on holiday. Second, the week you are on holiday. And top of the list is Twixmas: that incomprehensible collection of days between Christmas and New Year, where time ceases to exist, work is (hopefully) but a distant memory, and your WhatsApp group chats have fallen silent as everyone slips into hibernation.
There’s just something about that pigs-in-blanket, exclusively-eating-leftover-turkey, only-getting-up-from-the-sofa-to-poke-around-in-a-tin-of-chocolates-and-then-complain-that-someone-has-eaten-all-the-strawberry-ones haze that I look forward to every year. If you could bottle and sell the way I feel during this time period, I think I’d be able to afford to retire into a state of permanent Twixmas.
To experience the full euphoria of Twixmas, you need the right binge-watching TV. Whether you’re watching reruns of the year’s top series, or catching up on films you missed in the cinema because Leanne in HR was doing post-work birthday drinks and it’d look rude if you didn’t show up, having a constant stream of bangers on the screen is imperative to Twixmas success.
Which is why this Twixmas you’ll find me in various horizontal positions on the sofa, with a smorgasbord of leftovers, tubs of chocolate and the last three brain cells in my head rattling around like a maraca without a care in the world. It may seem easy to simply laze around the house in gravy-stained PJs, but there’s more to it. You haven’t heard of the Three Phases of Twixmas? You’ve got a lot to learn, babes …
Act one: the post-Christmas comedown
The big day has come and gone in a whirl of scrunched up wrapping paper, strange uncles and saccharine festive “music”. Saint Nick is already halfway to the beach for a little R&R, and you’re left wondering if the end of December really is 400 days long. Phase One of Twixmas – AKA Operation Claim a Spot on the Sofa For the Foreseeable – has officially begun.
Your senses have been overwhelmed for several days straight, so it’s time to switch off. I personally achieve this by tucking into my fifth turkey sandwich of the festivities and enjoying some kind of family-friendly adventure movie, like Superman. You know, something that isn’t too taxing on my brain as it’s preparing to shut down for several days of blissful oblivion. I suppose this is also an excuse to fall for David Corenswet’s dreamy blue eyes, if impossibly dashing good looks are your thing. This time should feel like slipping into a warm, candlelit bath. Pure pleasure.
Act two: a whisper of ennui
By Twixmas’ midpoint I can barely recite the alphabet because I simply haven’t had a coherent thought in days. It genuinely feels as if I fall into my sofa and reappear in a fantasy world where time, work and social engagements don’t exist. However, there is no denying that a slight tedium starts to seep into proceedings. Will December ever end? Am I a corporeal being? Are there enough Ferrero Rochers to see me through until January? Should I eat some fibre? At this point, you’ll find me watching a movie such as Sinners or Weapons, which are both guaranteed to scare just enough life back into me to see me through the final few days of sweet nothingness.
Act three: back to reality (almost)
With that in mind, I’ll tune in to rewatch season three of The White Lotus, so I can pretend I’m actually on a beach in Thailand instead of back at my mum’s house reverting to my grumpy teenage self. Transportative TV is just the ticket, because by now I’m starting to resent the fact that I can feel chocolate wrappers scratching my lower back when I roll over on the sofa. It may sound like I’m over Twixmas by this point, and you’re right – I am. But that’s the point. Several days of complete and utter laziness make me appreciate the busyness that lays ahead … at least until 5 January.
