Nicola Sturgeon has revealed that the dissolution of her marriage involved factors beyond the alleged crimes of her husband.
The former first minister of Scotland also alluded to a potential “secret rendezvous” that may have recently occurred.
Speaking on ITV’s The Assembly, Ms Sturgeon shared her feeling that her miscarriage happened because she did not want her baby “enough”. indicating she is still grappling with the emotional aftermath.
She also described her arrest by Police Scotland in 2023 as “horrible”, explaining that she entered a “shutdown state” and continues to try and block the experience from her memory.
The 55-year-old also reflected on her late predecessor, Alex Salmond, expressing a hope that he would have acknowledged the breakdown in their relationship “wasn’t your fault”.
Ms Sturgeon, who has just stepped down as an MSP ahead of the Holyrood election in May, faced questions from an audience of autistic, neurodivergent and learning disabled people on the hit programme.
Asked how it felt being separated from Peter Murrell, who was the SNP’s chief executive for more than two decades, Ms Sturgeon said: “There’s been a lot of public coverage of my husband being accused of crime and stuff, and so that is what everybody thinks it will be.
“I’m not saying that’s not a factor, because when you’re faced with something like that, it completely blows your world.
“But I think, if I’m being honest, I think it was probably more than that.
“I’ve been this very career-focused politician all my life, and now I’m going into a new phase of life where I want to find out a bit more about who I am as a person, not just as a politician. You change.”
Asked if she had had any “secret rendezvous lately”, Ms Sturgeon said: “I hope in this whole recording that I’m going to do a politician answer, which is, maybe.
“This is one of these moments where you’re going to have to judge from my body language and read between the lines.”
Ms Sturgeon announced in January 2025 that she and Mr Murrell had decided to end their marriage after being separated for some time.
Mr Murrell has been charged with embezzling £460,000 of SNP funds and is due to face trial in late May.
In June 2023, Ms Sturgeon was arrested by police in Operation Branchform, which looked into the SNP’s finances. But she was released without charge.
“It was a horrible thing,” she said, reflecting on her arrest. “It was not good. I would not recommend it.
“I think I sort of put myself into some kind of shutdown state, and since then I’ve just tried to blank it out of my head.”
Ms Sturgeon, Scotland’s longest-serving first minister, also opened up about her experience of miscarriage when she was 40.
She began to tear up as one member of The Assembly mentioned the name of Ms Sturgeon’s miscarried baby, Isla Margaret.
“The mention of her name just got me,” she said, holding back tears. “I think at the time, I didn’t want people to say anything to me, because I didn’t really know how I felt about it.
“The thing I felt most was guilt, because at first, I hadn’t been sure that I wanted to have the baby and I was really worried that it would get in the way of my career and everything.
“Then when I lost her, I don’t know if she was a girl, I always decided, I always thought she was a girl.
“When I lost the baby, I just had this overwhelming feeling that it was my fault because I hadn’t wanted her enough.”
Ms Sturgeon added that “it was the kind of thing you thought you got over and then suddenly, sitting on television, somebody mentions her name, and you realise deep down inside you kind of haven’t”.
Turning to her political career, she named Mr Salmond, her former mentor, as the person in politics she had learned the most from.
The pair formed one of the most successful political partnerships in UK history, winning every election campaign led by one or both of them north of the border since 2007.
But after allegations of harassment were made against Mr Salmond by two women during his time as first minister, their relationship began to deteriorate before severing completely.
Mr Salmond was cleared of a number of charges of sexual misconduct, including attempted rape, following a trial in 2020.
He died suddenly of a heart attack in October in North Macedonia at the age of 69.
Ms Sturgeon said she felt “really sad” when he died, saying she had a “real sense of grief” which was made worse because she could not attend his funeral.
She went on: “The thing I wished, which I think I also knew would never, ever happen, is that he would say to me, ‘Yeah, it wasn’t your fault what happened?’
“Even if he wasn’t going to admit that it was his fault, that he would say, ‘Look, I know it wasn’t you that did this to me’, and ‘I’m sorry for suggesting that it was’.
“I think I would have loved at some point for him to say that, but I knew he wasn’t the type of person who would ever do that.”
The Assembly continues at 10pm on Friday on ITV1, ITVX, STV and STV Player.
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