SAN DIEGO — "Who told you to put the balm on?"
— Jackie Chiles
And so we must ask the question first proposed by ABBA: "Can you hear the drums, Fernando?"
Fernando Tatis Jr. can hear the tom-toms, the bass and the snare. He just doesn't listen to them, as he travels recklessly through life to the beat of a different drum — his own, dumb, greedy percussive instrument.
Fernando can play the game of baseball. It's the game of life he has trouble with.
This is a marvelous, remarkably gifted player, all of 23 years old, and widely recognized among the game's greatest athletes.
On the field, he uses a hammer. Off of it, he pulls a screwdriver out of his tool box and uses it on a Padres organization that has awarded him millions — and fans who adore him.
First, there was the offseason motorcycle accident in the Dominican Republic, which resulted in a broken wrist he quietly delayed repairing that has kept him out this season. The hope was he soon could return for the stretch run.
Of course, as we all know by now, Friday he was busted for performance enhancing drugs, which means he will miss another 80 games. This is his fourth year of major league ball, and he has played in 273 games — which are all he's going to play well into next season.
Tatis has admitted his error, but claims he put on a ringworm balm containing the banned substance Clostebol. I seriously doubt it was ringworm, but what the hell.
Damage accomplished.
He has apologized, but if what he says is true, it means he wasn't smart enough to put something on or in his body without consulting readily available medical advice.
He admits it now, and he's "devastated." He says he should have used "the resources available to me" to ensure no banned substances were in what he took.
And let's not forget the bum shoulder he refuses to have surgery on, a serial injury costing him many appearances.
The remarkable thing is that, I was talking to owner Peter Seidler the other day about the possibility of signing Juan Soto to a long-term deal, which would require hundreds of millions. Juan is under contract for 2 1/4 more seasons.
"We're going to have a huge interest in resigning Juan," Peter said. "I'm optimistic. We'll let it play out, and during the offseason we'll start thinking it through."
This was prior to the Tatis thing, and I also asked Seidler about him, if his motorcycle riding days are done.
"I think he's matured," Peter said, "I'm confident Fernando learned his lesson."
As much as I like Peter and his eternal optimism, I had to write this, that he was wrong. But he's not the first boss to misjudge an employee.
What Seidler's comments before all this broke mean, however — and the major reason I'm writing it — is to put to rest talk of the team knowing Fernando was getting busted before the trade and thus went all out to get Soto. No chance Peter talks of maturity if he knew this was coming down.
He says he didn't find out about the suspension until late Friday afternoon, and I believe him. He was genuinely excited over the prospect of Tatis, Soto and Manny Machado getting together.
GM A.J. Preller said they all were hoping there would be signs of maturity.
They need a woolly mammoth to sit on this kid.
Fernando can be penitent forever, but he has not matured. He continues to run through red lights and stop signs.
His teammates are vocally unhappy. How does he retrain their trust, if he ever had it?
Of course I immediately received a text from one of my sons saying San Diego is cursed. It is. It is cursed by people who don't do smart things, people without vision.
Only our sports teams are cursed? Look around.
It's amazing a man with Seidler's spine has moved to this Land of Invertebrates.
But, for now, I can't help but wonder if the Padres-Tatis marriage is sustainable.
Let's hope Seidler hasn't hitched his bandwagon to a falling star. He deserves much better.
