Two Northern Ireland women have shared their experiences of bereavement in the hope that it will support other local grievers.
Rebecca Irwin and Amy New, who both lost a parent while they were aged in their 20s, have written about their experiences in a moving collection of letters, created by a grief support charity.
Letters from the Grief Club: How We Live with Loss is a compelling book revealing letters of grief from 54 contributors who felt isolated because of their experiences of loss.
Read more: Co Tyrone mum on ‘devastating’ loss of husband aged just 38
The book explores an array of perspectives on loss, and the two local authors, Rebecca and Amy, hope it proves invaluable to those who need it most.
Amy, 32, and from south Belfast, lost her mum Alison, 54, following an undiagnosed brain aneurysm in November 2011.
“At first when my mum died, few of my friends knew how to talk to me about it - it’s a lonely experience. Her death came completely out of the blue and I was studying in America at the time," she explained.
"I had been on the phone to her that night and she complained of a headache. She put the phone down, went to stand up and that's when she collapsed. By the time I got back home to NI she was in intensive care."
Amy added: "Since that loss happened to me, I've had three friends who have been through the same experience. You suddenly realise that there are lots of people dealing with these things and you're not actually aware of that until it hits you.
"We hope this book will not only support those who are grieving, but make it easier for their friends to start those conversations.”
Meanwhile Rebecca, 31 and from Carrickfergus, lost her dad Andrew, 58, to cancer in October 2019.
"Over Christmas 2018, we were having a great time as a family but Dad kept having hiccups and soon afterwards he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. He went for an operation the following June when it was discovered that the cancer had spread to his stomach and later his colon," she explained.
"Despite it being a prolonged journey over nine months, his death was very sudden because in hospitals you're always given hope. So you're hoping for the best when you have a loved one who is deeply unwell and receiving palliative care."
Amy and Rebecca were first introduced after becoming members of the grief club behind the UK-wide charity, Let's Talk About Loss.
The charity’s founder, Beth French, set up the organisation in 2018 after losing her mother to cancer three years before and realising a lack of support for those in her age bracket who were also bereaved.
A 2018 survey by Co-op Funeralcare found that 16 to 29-year-olds are the age group most likely to bottle up their grief and not talk about it, with 24% saying they would keep it to themselves when suffering a bereavement.
A safe space for young grievers to support one another was the ultimate goal for Let’s Talk About Loss as well as starting conversations and ending that taboo.
After opening the first group in Nottingham, it has boomed into a thriving collective of 34 groups nationwide.
Encompassing all types of loss, the contributors' stories show that there is no one way to grieve. They talk honestly about grief - the sad, the bad, and the surprisingly beautiful.
Some letters are written back to the author on that very first day of grief, with the reassurance that they will get through those awful first months. Others share snippets from their grief journeys – from the experience of therapy, to the power of getting creative.
Rebecca chose to write about her inherited ‘dadmin’:
“I was overwhelmed by the to-do list I faced after my dad died, and the big shoes I had to fill to keep the household ticking over. It was something I hadn’t considered before, which is why this book feels so important,” she said.
Amy added: “I chose to write about anniversaries because my expectation was, having seen other people experience loss, that the anniversary would be the time when all that grief would be concentrated.
“It would be this huge day to mark every year and you'd feel a certain way leading up to it and maybe book time off work or post about it on social media.
“We hope this book will not only support those who are grieving, but make it easier for their friends to start those conversations.”
Letters from the Grief Club is available to pre-order through Amazon, WH Smith, Waterstones and directly through the publisher’s website.
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