Johnny Hegarty had his first drink of alcohol when he was only 11-years-old.
The Derry man fought demons from a very young age, having lost his mother to alcoholism at the age of 10.
It would be the beginning of a "dark decade" for Johnny as he would soon start suicide attempts, self-harming, and drinking excessive amounts of alcohol more frequently.
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Johnny, who has now completely turned his life around, is the Chairperson of local addiction charity HURT, Have Your Tomorrows.
The charity has been a lifeline to those struggling to break the shackles of addiction for 20 years.
He is sharing his experience of learning to process his pain and shed the shackles of addiction in hope of inspiring others to follow his path.
"My early childhood wasn’t your typical one," he said.
"I grew up in Nazareth House children’s home. I was lucky in the fact that I loved growing up there. I have loads of happy memories of my time. I never really experienced any other way of family life that I can remember, so it was all I knew and I like to think I thrived there.
"Things changed on June 15th when I was 10, my mammy passed away. She lost her battle with alcohol, and I moved out of care to live with my father. I have to say I really struggled with normal family life."
He continued: "At the age of 10 was my first suicide attempt, 11 was the first time I tried alcohol, by 13 I started to self-harm and not eating.
"At the age of 15 my bother passed away and things got darker for me; home life became very difficult. At the age of 16, I moved out to my cousins and life was OK for a while.
"At 17 I moved back to Derry, moving into the Strand Foyer, within months I started drinking heavily, and over the next three years, everything fell apart due to my drinking, lost family, friends, and girlfriends. I was self-harming almost daily, suicide attempts became very frequent.
"This was the beginning of a dark decade or so of my life. In hindsight, I was just a lost boy wanting his mammy, then losing my big bro, the person I looked up to, in my eyes the head of my family.
"I had no idea how to deal with that in a healthy manner.
"Now even though it was a dark decade I had some amazing opportunities. These involved travelling throughout Germany, Spain, Malta, and Italy. I’d love to say I made the most of them but unfortunately, I didn’t.
"My lowest point probably came in Italy in 2016, leaving Italy in disgrace after eight months of a 10-month project. I had some amazing memories and experiences in Italy, but the heavy drinking affected my work, my colleagues and my bosses, so they had to end the project.
"Even though Italy was my lowest point, it also was the start of the comeback as it introduced me to someone who helped me turn my life on its head."
At 18, Johnny said he was desperate to be able to 'drink normally' like others.
It was then that he had turned to HURT for help.
"I was drinking heavily, so, on the advice of The Strand Foyer, I went to HURT. I wanted to drink “normally.” I thought this was possible, so I was in and out of HURT.
"In hindsight, I have realised that this was something I could never do. But HURT never closed the door on me.
"Sadie even gave me the opportunity to become a volunteer with HURT. This gave me a sense of purpose, something I never before really felt I had. This was the beginning of my HURT story.
"I met a girl who meant the world to me; she was the first person who opened my eyes to the harm my drinking was doing.
"In November 2016 I went back to HURT, this time I had a simple conversation with Sadie, I basically said to her I need to stop drinking. I started my counselling with Donat in January 2017, I made a number of breakthroughs in the next few months, pouring drink down the sink for the first time, and even staying sober for 10 days.
"Unfortunately in March the relationship ended, and I was left with a difficult choice to make. I could turn to drink, the thing that had been my crutch for so long or go to rehab, meaning I surrender completely to my addiction.
"I went to Cuan Mhuire for three months, that was intense, the self-work done there.
"I learned a lot of cool tricks that I still use today, coming out of Cuan Mhuire I was determined to stay sober and get the girl back. This second part would be my first of two hard lessons in recovery. You can’t get sober for someone else and you can’t promise to stay sober."
In 2018, Johnny said he had finally had enough and, with a crucial battle ahead of him, the now-HURT chairperson added that he was finally ready to give up alcohol for himself and not for anyone else.
He decided to get help and turned his life around.
Though the road to recovery was a long and challenging process, Johnny has re-built his life and has since made reconnections with his family.
"On March 18th 2018 after my second and final relapse, I said to myself we are going to do this our way, no one else’s way, we are doing this for me.
"So I turned to a book called “Starve the Monster” by Dr Hugh M Quigley and I haven’t looked back since.
"Suddenly it was my addiction, and it was my recovery. I had responsibility over my life for the first time. I knew now every morning it was my responsibility to wake up, pick up my sword and shield, and prepare for battle."
He added: "In the four years of sobriety, I’ve done a lot of self-development work. Some of the biggest ones are getting diagnoses for autism, anxiety and depression.
"All of which have helped me to understand myself and my past behaviours. I’ve repaired the damage I did in Italy. I now count those people as my dear friends, funnily in those rocks of Matera; I built the foundations of my comeback and discovered my home.
"And probably the biggest and most important thing to happen is that I have gotten my family back. I used to be Johnny the alcoholic, who felt like a disappointment. Now that’s been replaced by Johnny, a son, brother, uncle, friend, cousin, grandson, and Chairperson."
He is now urging other people to seek help escaping addiction: "If you think you’re drinking too much, ask someone who you love, do you think I’m drinking too much and listen to their answer. We are normally the last ones to know we are addicted."
If you or someone you know is in distress or despair call the 24/7 freephone crisis helpline Lifeline on 0808 808 8000.
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