Week 15 of the 2022 NFL season was epic for very dumb reasons.
While it lacked the panache of a Baker Mayfield, fresh off the plane four-minute comeback, it wormed its way into our hearts by being perfectly and stupidly inscrutable. The Indianapolis Colts, guarding a 33-0 halftime lead? LOSERS. The New England Patriots, coached by one of the smartest minds in the game’s history? SUDDEN IDIOTS. The Washington Commanders, searching for late-game drama and a game-tying touchdown? BAD NEWS, PASS INTERFERENCE IS LEGAL NOW.
The end result was an exhausting four days of football that resulted in a handful of clinched playoff spots, deflated Super Bowl hopes, and a world where the Detroit Lions and Jacksonville Jaguars — once 1-6 and 2-6, respectively — have bonafide paths to a postseason bid. That leaves us with 32 teams to sort out and three weeks remaining to built the map to Super Bowl 57.
Here’s how every team stands following Week 15.
32
Indianapolis Colts
Last week’s rank: 28
If you blow the biggest lead in NFL history, you go to No. 32. That’s the rule. When owner Jim Irsay went on tilt this season his galaxy brained move was to hire Jeff Saturday as interim head coach despite absolutely zero coaching experience above the high school level. The NFL now waits, eyebrows raised, to see what his reaction to 33-0 will be.
31
Houston Texans
Last week’s rank: 32
Houston battled hard and took the Kansas City Chiefs to overtime before eventually failing and protecting its right to draft Bryce Young next spring. Ultimately, that’s the best you can hope for in another lost season for the Texans.
30
Chicago Bears
Last week’s rank: 30
Another Justin Fields injury scare should serve as a warning for the Bears. Not that he should stop dialing in designed runs — because that’s a vital part of what makes him so special — but that there’s no real upside to throwing him into the fire late in a losing season when his top wideouts have been sidelined. Keep Fields safe at all costs, Chicago.
29
Denver Broncos
Last week’s rank: 31
Brett Rypien beat a combination of Colt McCoy and Trace McSorley in the battle between 2022’s most disappointing teams. If you watched this entire cursed game … why? Are you alright? Should we send help?
28
Atlanta Falcons
Last week’s rank: 24
Desmond Ridder’s debut didn’t go as planned, though head coach Arthur Smith didn’t exactly ease him into the lineup. Ridder completed just 13 of 26 passes for 97 yards. On the plus side, he showed off some useful running chops and he certainly knows where his bread is buttered — 70 of those 97 yards went to 2022 first round pick Drake London.
Losing to the Saints hurts, but it helps Atlanta’s draft stock and pushes the NFC South closer to a possible 7-10 division champion. And hey, Tyler Allgeier (38 carries, 245 yards his last three games) is starting to look like a key part of this team’s 2023 offense!
27
Arizona Cardinals
Last week’s rank: 22
The Cardinals still managed to hurt a rival by losing to the Broncos in Week 15. Adding to Denver’s win total means the Seattle Seahawks will get slightly less valuable first and second round draft picks next spring as the compensation from the Russell Wilson trade wraps up.
And, yep, that’s about the extent of the good that came from Sunday’s game and the 2022 season in general, which has been a disaster and should force Arizona to purge everyone involved from a coaching/executive standpoint.
26
Los Angeles Rams
Last week’s rank: 26
Baker Mayfield’s magic wasn’t transferrable to a second week and the offensive line that struggled to protect Matthew Stafford couldn’t keep its quarterback’s jersey clean. There’s enough star power for the Rams to rebound in 2023, but each loss this fall only makes the Lions’ rebuild stronger, thanks to the first round pick Detroit’s still owed from the Stafford trade. Oh well. Banners hang forever, or at least until they’re packed up for the team’s eventual move to Mexico City in 2044.
25
Carolina Panthers
Last week’s rank: 21
Carolina had a chance to stake its claim atop the NFC South (albeit with a 6-8 record) by handling Mitchell Trubisky and the Pittsburgh Steelers at home. Instead, the Steelers played bully ball, dominated the time of possession and forced Sam Darnold to lead a second half comeback. That went about as well as expected, and while Darnold wasn’t terrible his inability to finish scoring drives was a solid reminder that, even when he’s good, he’s still kinda bad.
24
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last week’s rank: 20
Tom Brady came back for an age 45 season so he could blow 17-0 leads to the Bengals and nervously flit passes downfield while his wideouts are two-thirds of the way through their routes because he has no interest in getting hit. The 2021 MVP runner-up is having his worst season since the one that marked the end of his career as a New England Patriot. But he’s still probably gonna make the playoffs, because the NFC South is a disaster.
23
New Orleans Saints
Last week’s rank: 29
The Saints are a night sky with a few bright stars (Chris Olave, Alontae Taylor), a whole lot more who are getting dimmer as their lift cycle wears on (Alvin Kamara, Michael Thomas, Tyrann Mathieu, (sigh) Cameron Jordan) and then a whole bunch of empty space.
And New Orleans, facing a salary cap reckoning, without a first round draft pick and led by a mediocre head coach, has no reliable way to add new light to that canopy. The next two years will be a laser show of misguided rocket launches effectively leading nowhere — but hey, it’ll be fun to watch for a while.
22
Cleveland Browns
Last week’s rank: 27
Deshaun Watson, back in the lineup following an 11-game suspension following more than 20 accusations of sexual misconduct and what the NFL described as “predatory behavior,” got a key divisional win Saturday. But he mostly just kinda sat back and let Tyler Huntley and an undermanned Ravens offense do the heavy lifting in a 13-3 game. Watson still has yet to have the impact Cleveland hoped for after trading three first round picks for him and handing him $240 million guaranteed. He currently ranks 31st out of 43 quarterbacks who’ve played at least 110 snaps when it comes to expected points added (EPA) per play.
21
Pittsburgh Steelers
Last week’s rank: 25
Pittsburgh ran the ball more than twice as often as it threw (45-22) in Week 15’s win over the Carolina Panthers. That’s an obvious strategy when you’re forced to start Mitch Trubisky, but a winning one. Mike Tomlin continues to wring the most from his players, even if he’s one loss away from his first losing season in 16 years as the Steelers’ head coach.
20
Green Bay Packers
Last week’s rank: 19
At 6-8 the Packers remain in the playoff hunt and are coming off a game in which they held an opponent to fewer than 160 total yards. But that was against Mayfield’s Rams, so it only sorta counts. Still, the NFC is a mess and there’s still room for Aaron Rodgers and company to make their annual sojourn to the postseason, where they can disappoint the fine people of Wisconsin once more.
19
Seattle Seahawks
Last week’s rank: 16
The other shoe had long been waiting to drop on the Seahawks. Seattle’s now in the midst of a 1-4 stretch and clinging to ever-dwindling playoff hopes.
But that’s OK! 2022 was supposed to be a rebuilding year; instead it’s shown Geno Smith can be a viable starting quarterback and pointed out all the flaws Pete Carroll needs to fix this offseason. That starts with a defense that’s given up at least 170 rushing yards in each of its last four games.
18
New England Patriots
Last week’s rank: 14
Lost in the shuffle of (gestures broadly toward some horribly timed laterals) is the fact Mac Jones stared down the league’s 32nd-ranked passing offense … and completed 13 of 32 passes. He remains New England’s starting quarterback, but Bill Belichick has to be keeping a closer eye on Bailey Zappe’s throws in practice this week.
17
Las Vegas Raiders
Last week’s rank: 23
The Patriots’ ability to lose in the dumbest way possible prevented Josh McDaniels from blowing another two-touchdown lead; the Raiders led 17-3 at halftime, then trailed 24-17 in the fourth quarter. Darren Waller’s return helped boost a predictable passing game. Too bad it came too late to buoy Las Vegas’s playoff hopes — FiveThirtyEight pegs the team’s postseason odds at a meager five percent.
16
New York Jets
Last week’s rank: 15
Zach Wilson had a very Zach Wilson return to the lineup Sunday; partially tantalizing but ultimately frustrating. His wild swings in confidence and ability to get balls to open receivers deep downfield — but not quite hit them in stride — may have granted him another turn behind center if Mike White still isn’t 100 percent in Week 16.
He could use that opportunity to build on a briefly promising start vs. the Lions. Or he could once again squander a sparkling defensive effort from a unit that’s far outperformed New York’s offense.
15
Tennessee Titans
Last week’s rank: 13
Tennessee had a 97 percent chance of winning the AFC South at Thanksgiving. That’s down to 55 percent thanks to a four-game losing streak and an offense that has little to offer beyond Derrick Henry.
An upcoming home game against the Texans offers a badly needed get-right opportunity. But losing in Week 17 to the Dallas Cowboys could make the season finale in Jacksonville a de facto playoff game — and these Titans have already lost to the Jags (by 14 points, at home).
14
New York Giants
Last week’s rank: 17
The Giants survived the Commanders, boosted their playoff odds and, most importantly for some, hit the over on their preseason 7.5-game win total. When Saquon Barkley is 100 percent, New York’s turnover-averse offense and swarming defense makes it a tough out for anyone in the NFL. But Barkley has been uneven in stretches and that overtaxed defense can be cracked, making it tough to take the Giants’ Super Bowl hopes seriously. Still, 2022 has been a unqualified success for first-year head coach Brian Daboll.
13
Washington Commanders
Last week’s rank: 10
Did the officials cost the Commanders a chance to send Sunday night’s game to overtime? Most definitely.
poor Curtis Samuel tried to catch this ball with a backpack on pic.twitter.com/lBwzsjqdLD
— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) December 19, 2022
But the Commanders probably shouldn’t have been in that position to begin with, as their inability to finish drives proved fatal. Washington had five drives cover at least 40 yards in Week 15 and gleaned only 10 points from them.
12
Jacksonville Jaguars
Last week’s rank: 18
Trevor Lawrence is becoming the quarterback Duval County prayed he could be, proving eight months under Urban Meyer didn’t irreparably break him. Rather than shrinking after a pair of costly turnovers vs. the Cowboys, the second-year star throttled the opportunity at his feet and led the Jaguars back from a 27-10 deficit for a stirring overtime win.
He’ll share credit for that win with a rising young defense that isn’t nearly fixed, but beginning to live up to its potential. Jacksonville controls its own destiny in the plodding race for the AFC South title.
11
Miami Dolphins
Last week’s rank: 8
Miami held strong in the cold, eventually snowy confines of Orchard Park, New York and even managed to roll up more than 400 yards of total offense against a tough Bills defense. With the game on the line, however, Tua Tagovailoa relied heavily on timing routes downfield whose luck ran out in Buffalo territory.
That allowed Josh Allen the leverage to craft a game-winning drive and all but shutting the door on the Dolphins AFC East title hopes. Still, Tagovailoa rebounded nicely from a minor slump and proved his team can operate in the cold — two traits that will come in handy through the postseason.
10
Los Angeles Chargers
Last week’s rank: 11
The Chargers are Schrodinger’s team. Observing them seems to affect the outcome of their games, all of which are wildly frustrating. One week after outclassing the Miami Dolphins, LA let the disheveled Titans linger, nearly costing them valuable leverage in the AFC’s dense playoff hunt.
This habit of being wholly unpredictable in winnable games could be a problem with a late-season schedule that looks like babytown frolics on paper. Games against the Colts, Rams and Broncos await. Odds are the Chargers will make at least one of those games even dumber than it should be.
9
Detroit Lions
Last week’s rank: 12
Break up the Lions! Since Halloween Weekend, Detroit has arguably played like the NFL’s top team. Even without a passable (but fun!) defense, Dan Campbell’s crew is clocking just about everyone.
Seriously, they are bullies with that monstrous offensive line, a brilliant OC/top head coaching candidate in Ben Johnson, and a once again viable Jared Goff. It’s a cliche — especially in a sport as random and chaotic as football — but if the buzzsaw Lions nab a playoff spot by season’s end, they are assuredly the last team any of the other NFC powers wants to face.
8
Minnesota Vikings
Last week’s rank: 9
Let this be a lesson to you all: Never doubt Kirk Cousins, even when he’s down by four-plus scores to Jeff Saturday’s Pop Warner squad masquerading as the Indianapolis Colts.
We’ve wondered all year whether the Vikings are actually good. Saturday didn’t move the needle on this much front, but at least the 2022 NFC North champion proved it can rally from dire straits — a necessary trait for the postseason.
7
Baltimore Ravens
Last week’s rank: 7
Trade deadline acqusition Roquan Smith has been a boon to Baltimore’s defense, teaming up with Patrick Queen to form one of the NFL’s premier LB duos. Smith’s presence, in turn, has helped elevate the Ravens’ defense to a top-flight shutdown unit over the last two months.
But … they can’t score. Even with Lamar Jackson going Super Saiyan once he gets healthy, Baltimore will likely have to lean more on the other side of the ball for any prospective championship hopes. That’s asking a whole heck of a lot in a game built around offense in 2022.
6
Dallas Cowboys
Last week’s rank: 5
The question for the Cowboys is not whether they are a legit Super Bowl contender. It’s whether Mike McCarthy’s bunch can avoid the silliest mistakes in games where even one misstep means all-but-certain doom.
Judging by Dak Prescott’s propensity for bone-headed turnovers at the worst possible time — like Sunday’s embarrassing game-losing pick-six in Jacksonville — along with McCarthy’s trademark capacity to vomit all over himself the moment he has to think about clock management; we have our doubts about Big D’s playoff prospects.
5
San Francisco 49ers
Last week’s rank: 6
Things are looking Purdy good without Jimmy Garoppolo, aren’t they? [Ed. note: Robert was fired for this.] With San Francisco’s NFC West-clinching win over Seattle last Thursday night, the NFC runner-up from a season ago seems like its running on all cylinders, even with a seventh-round QB. Which, speaking of: Kyle Shanahan really can wring quality out of just about any passer, can’t he? It’s like an offense with three wheels.
4
Cincinnati Bengals
Last week’s rank: 4
Are the Bengals without flaws? Unequivocally, no. Might they have the perfect playoff brand of football down pat? Yes, as evidenced by Cincinnati’s 31-6 run and timely late playmaking to cement a solid 34-23 win over Tampa Bay.
The defending AFC champs are battle-tested, possess one of football’s best skill groups, have a no-name defense that can lock just about anyone down, and are now in pole position for their second-straight AFC North title. We don’t envy who has to play this squad in a sudden-death battle. At all.
3
Buffalo Bills
Last week’s rank: 3
Where would the Bills be without Josh Allen? Between having just one consistently good pass target in Stefon Diggs and an injury-riddled secondary, it’s hard to imagine Buffalo would amount to anything without their talisman QB. The issue is whether Buffalo asks Allen to do much, to be utterly spotless.
Not that Allen isn’t capable, but asking him to pitch at least three perfect playoff games is a tall task for any signal-caller. Capturing the AFC’s No. 1 seed feels absolutely paramount to this Bills team accomplishing anything in January.
2
Kansas City Chiefs
Last week’s rank: 2
On a statistical basis and by the eye test, the Chiefs have one of the NFL’s worst defenses. Like, they can’t stop anyone, not even the one-win Houston Texans.
But that’s okay, because Patrick Mahomes plays quarterback for them, and this has more or less been the mix Kansas City has had since the man in the red No. 15 became a pro football player. The Chiefs somehow feel more volatile than ever — because the defense was supposed to be “fixed” this season — yet they still have the sport’s best player. Call it a hunch, but that’s probably enough for another deep playoff run.
1
Philadelphia Eagles
Last week’s rank: 1
It wasn’t pretty, but Jalen Hurts course corrected after a pair of turnovers and found overdrive to put away the Chicago Bears in Week 15. Hurts threw for 315 yards and scored three touchdowns on the ground in a game it didn’t quite feel like the Eagles were taking seriously until the second half. When you’ve got this much talent, you can try some new things when you’re up against the NFC’s worst team.
The question now is whether they can keep this pace while Hurts recovers from a reported shoulder sprain. Gardner Minshew is a better backup than most who was responsible for all the Jaguars’ wins from 2019-20. Granted, that’s only seven … but still, it was the Jaguars.
