A newlywed has revealed how they were ultimately left disappointed by their best man’s “low effort” speech during their wedding.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Wedding” Reddit form, the newlywed who goes by the username – u/melindalisten – asked if they were in the wrong for being “annoyed” at their best man for “terribly” winging his speech at the wedding. The Reddit user also noted that well before the wedding, they’d discussed the speech with their best man.
“[I asked] with lots of advance notice whether he’d be happy to give the speech, then whether he was still happy to a couple of weeks before,” they wrote. “I said if not because, he isn’t comfortable or whatever, I’d ask my other very good friend to give a speech instead. He said no no, he wants to do it.”
The newlywed went on to note that when they checked in with the best man about the speech, a couple weeks before the wedding, he still hadn’t written. However, the Reddit user expressed that they weren’t necessarily worried at the time, as they simply gave him advice for writing the speech.
“I thought it’s okay there’s still plenty of time, thought a little more enthusiasm would be nice. I just told him not to worry and sent him a few links online with tips on how to write a speech in case he was struggling,” they continued.
AITA for being annoyed that my best man didn’t write a speech, instead “winged it” terribly?
byu/melindalisten inwedding
However, the original poster (OP) then shared that once the rehearsal dinner started, they learned that the best man still hadn’t written a speech. From there, they discovered that their friend wasn’t planning on writing the speech before the wedding.
“Like - the wedding was the next day. Not even had he not written it, he was planning to ‘wing it.’ Just not write one at all and see what pops into his head,” they added.
The newlywed went on to share more context about their best man, claiming that he’s “not the type of person who can just wing a speech”. They claimed that while their friend is a “great conversationalist and storyteller” and “very charismatic,” he’s not the “stereotypical person” who could get away with winging a best man speech.
They went on to recall that once it was the best man’s moment to give the speech at the wedding, the occasion was quite disappointing and short.
“So when it’s time for his speech after the lovely ones from the others that were about 5 minutes long each, he stands up… and says about three sentences,” they added. “That’s it. It lasted about 30 seconds. It was just, c**p. The whole thing was clearly, seriously low effort.”
They concluded that while they haven’t brought up the incident to the best man, they still feel like the speech was “quite disrespectful”. They also added that the situation was “the cherry on top” for them, as they’ve been “quietly questioning the friendship” for different reasons that aren’t related to the wedding.
In the comments of the Reddit post, many people went on to support the newlywed amid their feelings of frustration toward their friend. People also encouraged them to examine the friendship and the issues they had with their best man before the wedding.
“I would focus on those other ‘unrelated reasons’ and figure out your friendship from there,” one wrote. “‘I’m mad your speech sucked in my wedding’ isn’t gonna make you sound super great when ending a friendship.”
“Unfortunately someone not naturally good at speech writing/execution won’t magically become so when given the opportunity,” another agreed. “But the lack of preparation/understanding what it meant to you after several convos definitely speaks to larger underlying issues.”
“[Not the a**hole for feeling annoyed, no, but it also sounds like you knew what to expect,” a third wrote. “Probably should’ve chosen someone else if you already had issues in the friendship.”
Other people expressed how they could relate to the newlywed’s situation, noting that they’ve had situations where they’ve been disappointed by their close friends’ brief speeches at their weddings.
“I was in the same boat with my MOH. It’s a sucky place to be, for sure. It’s ok to feel like the effort is not equitable and have that raise questions,” one wrote.
“We had the exact same scenario at our wedding with my husband and his best man. The option was always there for him to back out and he insisted on giving a speech. He was up there for a total of maybe one minute tops, winging it and trying to crack jokes like he does at his stand-up open mic nights. It just didn’t hit. My husband deserved a lot more than that,” another wrote.
