Having a sibling is one of the best things, or it may actually be quite annoying – depends on your relationship. However, if you have a good relationship, then you will agree that you want all the best for your siblings, you worry about them and also support them in everything that they do. Sometimes, there may be a little rivalry – but as long as it’s not harmful, it’s okay.
Well, one Reddit user recently shared his story that caused quite the family drama. Apparently, his sister got mad after the man refused to wait to plan having kids until after her wedding – so his wife wouldn’t be showing.
More info: Reddit
It may be annoying for your younger sibling to create a family earlier than you, but creating family drama over it is never a good solution
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual photo)
Man shares that his sister is getting married in about a year, but he got married earlier than her, and having been together for a shorter period of time, that made her a bit bitter
Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
Surprisingly, his sister asked his wife to be a bridesmaid – which was unexpected as they are not that close
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
However, after one weekend, the family dynamic slightly changed – discussions about having kids started and his sister emphasized that she can’t wait, to which he agreed
Image credits: r/No-Understanding7021
He explained that he and his wife plan on having kids soon, and after his sister understood that soon means not after her wedding, she freaked out
One Reddit user shared his story online seeking to hear more perspectives on whether he was indeed being a jerk. A discussion about having kids caused quite a lot of tension between siblings – his sister insisted that he start planning his family after her wedding, while he disagreed with this demand. The post collected over 1.2K upvotes and almost 200 comments.
The original poster (OP) started his story by explaining that his older sister is getting married and it’s a long time coming for her. However, he got married a few months before after a much shorter period of time together with his now wife, so it was quite bitter for his sister. Now, one weekend at their mom’s, a discussion ensued about having kids.
The sister began talking about how all her friends are having kids and she can’t wait. The OP told her that he and his wife also are excited and plan to start ‘trying soon’. Well, the sister hoped that ‘soon’ meant after her wedding, but after her brother’s disagreement she freaked out. She said that he already had his wedding before her, so the least they could do is not be pregnant.
The sister also added that if she knew OP’s wife may be showing at her wedding, she would have never offered her the role of bridesmaid.
The community members gave man ‘not the A-hole’ badge and discussed that his sister is absolutely delusional. “You are NTA. It’s not your fault your future BIL didn’t want to marry your sister earlier and that you and your wife want to start your family,” one user wrote. “NTA. Sister needs to get over herself. World doesn’t revolve around her,” another added.
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
“Sounds like a sibling rivalry to me. We all engage in social comparisons, but when it comes to our siblings, it can be more intense,” shared Dr. Julie Shafer, a psychologist, relationship coach, and award-winning author, with Bored Panda.
She emphasized that in this case, the older sister is not meeting life milestones as quickly as her younger brother, and social comparison is telling her that she is not keeping up or is missing out.
“She wants to have children and seems to be able to handle her friends having children because she is on the path to marriage and starting a family of her own,” Dr. Shafer added. “But to have her younger brother one-up her twice is too much. It’s sparking a competitive and jealous side to her.”
We asked Dr. Shafer why some people feel a sense of urgency to achieve certain milestones based on their age and she explained that it all comes down to what we think we need to do to reach our goals. “For many people, those goals are big and vague, such as be successful, be happy, or do things the ‘right’ way.”
However, if the older sister’s goal is to achieve usual life milestones (get married, buy a house, start a family) and she sees her younger brother getting ahead, her high-achieving, competitive side would start to think she isn’t keeping up and could believe falling behind might jeopardize achieving her goals. “While that is obviously not the case, when people feel like they are being left behind or losing out, their feelings overshadow reasoning,” the psychologist emphasized.
Dr. Shafer also pointed out that social comparisons are a huge factor in people feeling pressured to accomplish goals or do things a certain way. “Comparing ourselves to others and seeing how we fit in tells us if we are acceptable to our group, keeping up with them, or if we are going to be safe or included.” She explained that unfortunately, many people use social comparison to highlight the ways that they don’t measure up, which can feel highly threatening and make people feel like they are failing or losing out.
Finally, Dr. Shafer highlighted that this is a case of the older sister feeling threatened and instead of taking responsibility for her own feelings, she is blaming her brother and his wife. “She believes the sister-in-law being pregnant at her wedding is going to highlight her deficiencies (make her look bad?) and instead of considering this irrational response and working through it, she is throwing a fit and making her brother and sister-in-law feel wrong for doing what is right for them.”
So folks, don’t forget that it’s never too late to reach your milestones and there is no need to be mad at others for accomplishing their goals earlier than you or worrying that you are lagging behind. But what is your take on this story? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors shamed the man’s sister, saying that she’s the definition of bridezilla
