Comedian Mike Birbiglia performs his one-man show “The Old Man and the Pool” at Steppenwolf Theatre through the end of the month and he describes it as a “story that starts at my doctor’s office, for my annual checkup. I do the pulmonary test, where you blow into the tube, and I did so poorly that the doctor said, just based on that, he would think I was having a heart attack.” That sent Birbiglia down a rabbit hole of “tests and doctor’s appointments and trying to change my diet and make better life decisions and going swimming at the YMCA,” he said. “And it sort of set me on this existential comedic spiral about what it means to be alive and dead and what we should consider doing when we’re alive. And (the show’s) got about 150 jokes in it.”
Birbiglia is also writer-director of the semi-autobiographical indie movie “Sleepwalk With Me” (about a guy who sleepwalks) as well as “Don’t Think Twice” (about a group of improv performers). He has his own comedy specials on Netflix and he also shows up as an actor in other people’s projects, including Amy Schumer’s “Trainwreck,” Netflix’s “Orange Is the New Black” and Showtime’s “Billions.”
He was also tapped to fill in as guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” this week after Kimmel announced he has COVID-19.
When asked about a worst moment in his career, he recalled a memory of bombing on stage.
My worst moment …
“A few years into my career, this is maybe 2005, I got asked to perform comedy at a charity celebrity golf tournament in New Jersey. It was a cancer research benefit. Perfectly wonderful cause. And one of the challenging things about comedy is that you’re often asked to perform it in places where it maybe doesn’t belong. And this event was a misfit all along.
“Earlier in the day, I was supposed to play golf with these two strangers, because it was a celebrity golf tournament, and the first thing they say to me is, ‘Who do you think our celebrity is going to be?’ And I said, ‘Oh, no — I think it might be me.’ So I’m apologizing to these people, like, I’m really sorry I’m your celebrity. If this is disappointing for you, you can’t imagine how disappointing it is for me (laughs). The bar for celebrity was very arbitrary and, in this case, misleading.
“I brought my brother Joe along because he loves golf. I was really inexperienced at the time and I didn’t bring another outfit to get changed into for the evening. So I played golf during the day and then there was a banquet, so I was wearing sort of muddied, dirty, wrinkled golf khakis and a collared shirt ensemble. It’s messy and sweaty and I’m in the locker room ironing my pants, trying to do damage control on the situation. I already felt bad — that this wasn’t a great fit — but I was going to do the best that I could.
“So I go up to the banquet room and the person in charge says, ‘There’s going to be two speakers, and then you, and then a raffle.’ And I said, ‘Well that’s exciting, I’ve never opened for a raffle.’ The first speaker goes up and he is a boy who survived leukemia and he’s very inspiring and everyone is crying, including me. But I’m crying for two reasons — for the kid but also for me because I have to perform comedy after him. My brother, Joe, leans over and goes, ‘This ain’t looking so good, Mike,’ which is what I was thinking already. And it gets worse. The second speaker was legendary New York Giants quarterback Phil Simms. And he’s also very inspiring! He even sprinkled in a few jokes about golf that were similar to jokes that I had thought of earlier that day.
“So he gets a standing ovation and I’m thinking, clearly the show is over. The room sort of cleared out; half or a third of the audience left because there can’t be anyone more famous than Super Bowl MVP Phil Simms. But wait, there was. It was Mike Birbiglia, who had no business being at this event.
“I think some comedians might have been able to rise to the challenge. I was not one of them. Maybe I would be today. But I was not at the time. And I go up there, and I’m bombing and I’m not connecting at all. I don’t think I landed a joke.
“And I think to myself, why don’t I cater my material to this specific event? I have a personal experience with cancer, which I talk about in my new show, ‘The Old Man and the Pool.’ I had bladder cancer when I was 20 years old. So I had a joke about that: I went to the doctor and they told me there was something in my bladder, and whenever they tell you that, it’s never anything good like, ‘We found something in your bladder — and it’s season tickets to the Yankees!’ (Laughs) And it did not get any laughter.
“And at that point, I just threw in the towel. I had failed doing my act and I had failed at making it specific to this event. I was supposed to perform for 20 minutes and I probably performed for seven or eight minutes. So I thanked the audience and apologized simultaneously, which I had never done. And then I walked off the stage. I was so upset and I said to my brother, ‘We’re leaving.’ And Joe said, ‘Mike, we can’t — they’re just about to start the raffle and, because everybody left, my odds are amazing.’
“Joe is my older brother and I’ve always looked up to him. So I’m often in situations where his priorities are different from mine. Like, he’ll get very excited if I’m booked in Atlantic City because then he’ll get to go to the casino. And I’m just like, I don’t want to go to the casino — but then we go, because he’s my brother and we’re very close. We call Joe America’s Guest because whatever trip you have going on, he’ll sort of invite himself along.
“So that night, I’m not making this up, Joe won a bunch of raffle items. Golf club covers and umbrellas. And then he’s carrying that stuff out to the parking lot with me and people are going, ‘You’re the comedian from the event?’ as we’re holding all these raffle items (laughs). Like I not only failed, but I had really pulled one over on them winning the raffle items with my plus-one.
“I always think of that as the worst gig I ever had. Fundamentally, I want to deliver for the people who show up. My No. 1 fear as a performer is that the audience will be disappointed. And I feel like what I gave them was exponential disappointment.”
What is tougher to deal with — a hostile audience or one that gives no response at all?
“It’s a great question, because that is a really good distinction. A hostile audience you can write off. An indifferent audience hurts your soul. A hostile audience has decided you will fail before you have failed, whereas an indifferent audience that can’t muster a laugh is giving you a chance to succeed or fail — and you are failing. Indifference is a more earnest response, and as a result the earnestness is more painful.”
Is it tough when you’re pegged as a celebrity but people can’t place you?
“Yeah, it is. People recognize me but they don’t know what they recognize me from. I was at Whole Foods recently and this guy comes up to me and goes, ‘Wait, what are you in?’ And I said, ‘I’m in the worst conversation of my life! What are you in?’ And he goes, ‘I am too.’ And I said, ‘You cast me.’ Because then you end up going through everything you’ve been in. I don’t know what you’ve seen (laughs)! I don’t know what you’re into!
“I’m a niche comedian. People come to see me for a very specific type of comedy experience, and sometimes people will go, ‘I hope you make it!’ That happened to me years ago when I was off-Broadway performing ‘Sleepwalk with Me.’ After the show, I’m standing in front of the theater and there’s a big picture of my head, and this woman goes, ‘I hope you make it!’ And I’m like, ‘I think this is it! I’m not aspiring for a lot more.’ And truly, I don’t think things have gotten necessarily better or worse since then. I just consistently write and perform and put out new shows. The other side of it — the notoriety or that someone would recognize you at a celebrity golf tournament — that doesn’t seem like a goal to me.”
The takeaway …
“I generally shouldn’t perform comedy where people are dressed up, is a good rule of thumb (laughs).
“Even looking at my Letterman set from years ago, I’m wearing a suit, and I dunno, it doesn’t quite groove with what my comedy is. My comedy is, I amble in and start talking and slowly we realize the talking is part of something larger. And when my work isn’t contextualized in the optimal theater environment, it’s just sort of a mess because it looks like a person ambled on stage and is not going to land the plane (laughs). You’re just watching it going, ‘We are not in good hands!’
“So I’ve learned to be very particular about where I perform, which is why I’m at the Steppenwolf for the next month.”
