It’s been an especially busy year for Utkarsh Ambudkar, who is in Hulu’s Elizabeth Holmes biopic series “The Dropout,” and also showed up in the films “Marry Me,” “Free Guy” and “Tick, Tick ... Boom!” And then there’s the biggest role of them all, as one of the leads in the freshman hit CBS sitcom “Ghosts,” playing the easygoing husband to a woman who can see ghosts in the rambling old mansion they’ve inherited.
“He is the rare partner who just believes,” said Ambudkar. “It’s like, oh, you see ghosts? Cool. He’s very in love with his wife and invested in her emotional and mental health, and at the same time he’s fascinated with this idea that he gets to live this supernatural dream that sci-fi nerds can only fantasize about, so he’s on board pretty much from the jump.”
The show’s success has upped Ambudkar’s celebrity. “I was running with my son in the neighborhood and someone was like, ‘Are you on ‘Ghosts’? Welcome to the neighborhood!’ And it’s like, I’ve lived here for several years, but thank you?”
When asked about a worst moment in his career, Ambudkar recalled a cringey memory from an awards show broadcast.
My worst moment …
“I went to acting school, but I started off doing music. And knowing how to rap was what got me jobs like ‘Pitch Perfect.’ So we’re at the 2012 MTV Video Music Awards and I was in the opening number with Rebel Wilson and the ‘Pitch Perfect’ cast.
“I’m sober now, but I was not sober then — let’s just preface that for this story.
“We rehearsed for a week beforehand and I was supposed to be doing a verse from Eminem’s ‘Lose Yourself.’ I’m in the limo on the way to the red carpet and I’m nervous, so I have a couple drinks. Then backstage, they gave us goody bags, so people had rum and whatnot. We were like, ‘We better loosen up!’ and I had some shots of something that was too strong.
“So then I go on stage for this opening number. Rebel was singing and then it was Ben Platt, Skylar Astin and myself — I’m having anxiety even thinking about this again — and Skyler starts rapping his verse for ‘Lose Yourself.’ And then it’s my turn to go, and I am (trash)-faced on stage. Live at the VMAs. On camera. Staring at a very pregnant Kim Kardashian in the front row.
“I remember the look of absolute confusion on her face as to what the hell was happening because I completely forgot all of the lyrics to the song and just started freestyling. I just started making up words. I don’t even remember what it was. I was just making stuff up.
“Lucky for me, in that moment, Skyler realized I had flown off the handle and he stepped in because he’s such a musical pro. That was really rough. And afterward, I was like (sheepishly), ‘I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!’ And Skyler was like, ‘No, dude, I can’t believe you freestyled, you’re amazing.’ And Lin-Manuel Miranda, who is my close friend, was like, ‘Only you would freestyle at the MTV VMAs. Only you would do something that ridiculous and get away with it.”
“And while I got a lot of love from people, inside I knew I’d had too much to drink and made a big mistake.
“Fast forward some eight or nine years and I’m on stage at the Oscars in 2020, and I was supposed to be freestyling — I did a recap about halfway through of everyone who had won up until that point — and it was just a completely different experience. It was a very different energy. But also, it was a different dude. It was a guy who was five or six years sober, who had just come off a Broadway run (of the show ‘Freestyle Love Supreme’) which won a Tony. I was just in a different place in life. And there was no Kim Kardashian in the front row; honestly, I think she threw me. Especially that look. Imagine Kim Kardashian looking at you, wondering what kind of species of human you are.”
Is it common for some performers to do a few shots before going on stage?
“Oh yeah, totally. I think alcohol, and drugs to a lesser extent, depending on what circles you roll in — being high on set is normal. I think a lot of creatives, sensitives, artists, the volume is way higher, emotionally and internally, than it is for other people. And you treat the nerves or the stress or the up-and-down of it all in different ways. Some people are fine. And some people, like me, lose the ability to turn it off. Generally, you know if your off switch is broken, and when that happens you have to recalibrate, you have to redefine where the passion is coming from. Are you doing it because you love it — or are you doing it for the attention and validation that you get at 1 a.m. at a party?
“So when I stopped that lifestyle, I had to reevaluate if the craft of acting and rapping was right for me anymore, because I did feel empty. The reason I was doing it was not to do it, but for the result later. And that’s not sustainable.
“I think after I passed that initial feeling of grief — of ‘Oh my God, I lost the party, I’m so boring’ — after I got over that, I realized there was a real depth I hadn’t gotten to and I could be more present in my relationships.”
Was Ambudkar aware that he was drunk when he took the stage?
“I’m sure I was. I’m also pretty sure I was like, oh, these words are not sticking in my brain as well as I’d like them to be. So I was definitely nervous and I don’t think I took the stage with anything close to confidence. I was like, this could go really bad. I think I psyched myself out, honestly. I didn’t have the visualization of the moment — or I did, and I visualized it going pear-shaped, and it did.
“In that moment, this is what was going through my head: ‘I’m cool, I’m cool. Oh my God, there’s Kim Kardashian. Oh my God, she’s so pregnant. Why is she looking at me like that? Hh (shoot), I’m not saying the right words. What’s going on? Hh, there’s Skyler saving my (butt), I messed that up, didn’t I?’ (Laughs) But watching it, I don’t think you would know that I was in free fall as a human.
“I totally got away with it. Only I knew that I had let myself down. It was one of those things that got swept under the rug until I cleaned up a little and got sober and realized how lucky I had been getting by, by the skin of my teeth. But I wasn’t living up to my potential. At that moment, I was unable to give my best because I didn’t give myself the chance. It was unprofessional, that is the word, for sure.
“Just objectively, it’s pretty wild that I went on stage, forgot my lines, freestyled and it didn’t end in disaster. I guess it’s a testament to the raw talent. But then nothing else about it is good.
“If I ever see Kim Kardashian again, I know she won’t remember it for sure, but I’m also the person who is 100% the guy who’s like (to himself), ‘Don’t talk about it, don’t talk about it,’ and then (out loud), ‘Remember that time …?’ I have to share what’s going on in my head as long as I know it’s not going to hurt anyone, so I’d share a little bit of my vulnerability. And it is a pretty funny story.”
The takeaway …
“You get as much out of a moment or an experience as you put into it. So you have to be present and be professional.
“The biggest regrets I have are not whether I get a job or a role, it’s that I haven’t prepared enough to give myself the best chance to achieve the maximum out of any situation.
“It could have been so much worse. I almost wish it had been because I probably would have learned this lesson way earlier than I did.”
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