Getting fit can have many benefits. The CDC claims that it can improve brain health, help manage body weight, keep bones and muscles strong, and generally make doing everyday activities easier. It can also improve one’s confidence, as for many of us, confidence still heavily depends on our physical appearance. That newly found confidence and attention from the opposite sex can sometimes cause problems in relationships.
Like what happened to this married couple. When the wife got in shape, she decided to leave her husband because she apparently settled for him, only to beg for his forgiveness a few weeks later. Incredibly hurt and heartbroken, the husband went on to share his woes online. He also asked people whether he should forgive his wife or just divorce her and cut all ties.
Getting in shape can seriously boost a person’s self-image and confidence, but it can also inflate the ego too much
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This woman got fit and decided her husband was inferior to her, so she asked for a divorce
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There is a link between people getting in shape and cheating
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The husband describes how the wife started exercising because she fell into a depressive episode and how being physically active helped her feel better. Mental health experts often advise people who are struggling mentally to work out more. And while that doesn’t solve the underlying causes of depression and anxiety, it can help reduce the symptoms significantly.
The Mayo Clinic claims that exercising increases our mood, as the activity releases endorphins and takes our mind off worries. Aside from reaching our fitness goals, working out also increases our self-confidence because we start feeling better about how we look. And with that might come trouble in a relationship.
When one partner in the marriage starts working, it’s not uncommon for cracks in the relationship to appear. The other spouse (in this particular case, it would be the husband) might develop an insecurity, according to WSJ. “If one partner gets a new, buff appearance and a new circle of buff acquaintances, romantic possibilities can open up—and give the other spouse good reason to feel insecure about his or her own physique.”
There have also been cases when regular exercising might be an indicator of an extramarital affair. A 2018 Ashley Madison survey revealed that almost two-quarters of their site members exercised to maintain interest from the person they were cheating with. Their previous study also showed that “going to the gym” is the fifth most popular excuse people use for cheating.
German professor Thomas Klein has found in his research that exercise and dieting could signal that a spouse might be getting ready to leave their partner. “When you are on the lookout for a new partner people try to be as thin and attractive as possible,” he explained the simple psychology to The Daily Mail.
And when we’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s natural to put on some extra weight. Psychologist Maunda Snodgrass explains that it’s because our habits change. We start feeling more secure in our relationship and no longer prioritize our looks.
Forgiving a spouse for betrayal might seem impossible, but some people choose to try
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The principal dilemma for this husband is whether or not to forgive his wife and take her back. In reality, forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. As Psychiatrist Karen Swartz, MD, explains to VeryWell Health, the partners might never get that trust back. “Having a relationship with someone in the future is about whether they are reliable and dependable and trustworthy. Sometimes, trust is broken in such a way that it’s not in your best interest.”
As some commenters pointed out, the wife said some very hurtful things she can’t take back. The reality is that repairing a relationship after a betrayal like this can be extremely hard. Naomi Casemen, LMSW, writes that some people who’ve experienced betrayal might even develop PTSD. “It is not uncommon for people to get stuck in the wound and feel that they have no way out,” she writes.
However, there is a way out. Experts emphasize that forgiveness is for the benefit of the person who’s been betrayed — it’s about their emotional well-being and healing process. First off, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. “Forgiveness means letting go of anger and resentment that you hold towards the person who hurt you, so you can free yourself from the painful emotional burden that you are carrying and move on with your life,” Casemen writes.
When a partner has cheated (which is the other layer of betrayal in this story), it’s entirely up to the spouse to decide whether they want to reconcile. Marriage and relationship expert Sheri Stritof claims that reconciliation is possible only when the cheating partner feels genuine remorse, is ready to take all of the blame, and recognizes the hurt they have caused. “No one can tell you what to do when your partner has cheated. Only you can determine the right choice for you and your relationship.”
The husband clarified some things in the comments
Most people sided with the husband on this one
