My wife believes it is her right to bring home all her work frustrations and dump them on me. When she is stressed she has no desire for sex and we only have sex when she initiates it. I have discussed this one-sidedness with her many times. I’ve done things to help bring down her stress (massages, pampering, catering to her needs) but these only help a little. I am at the stage where I feel numb and indifferent. What can I do?
The state of a couple’s general relationship directly affects their sexual relationship, and the case of you and your wife illustrates that exactly. You are going overboard in trying to soothe and please her, but this is not attacking the root cause of her stress and is causing you to resent her. Stress in itself is likely to lower sexual desire, and this is compounded by her bringing those work frustrations home. It is reasonable to share problems with a partner and expect him to at least listen, but when it becomes too much of a burden, it’s time to set boundaries. Insist that she find self-soothing mechanisms for her stress, and take steps to help reduce her workload so that you are not bearing the brunt of it all. Numbness and indifference are symptoms of depression, which in itself can negatively affect a person’s sexual response. Act now before even more problems arise.
