My wife and I have been together for more than 10 years and married for four. We have small children. I love her deeply, but our marriage is essentially empty of sex and physical intimacy, and she refuses to talk about it beyond acknowledging there is a problem. I am a woman who values physical intimacy and I am deeply attracted to her. I want to feel more desired and alive. But lovemaking is extremely rare, always initiated by me and follows the same pattern. She does not focus on giving me pleasure. The rest of the time I am rebuffed, leaving me feeling ashamed and unattractive. Even the mildest of playful or suggestive messages I send are met with silence. So I bother less and less.
Naturally, I want to know what is going on for her. We are already having couples therapy, but this is not a subject we have tackled successfully. Outside these sessions, my attempts to discuss it are either avoided or met with anger. Do I simply give up, after so many years of trying and failing to make things better? I cannot forget my needs and desires just because they are not reciprocated.
