A deaf woman insists there is hope for single people with disabilities in the world of dating after meeting the love of her life on Tinder. Lily Azeez has opened up about her experiences on the dating app as part of Sign Language Week (March 13-19).
Lily, who has severe hearing loss, says that while the dating world can be brutal, with ghosting and bad date stories rife among young people using apps, you shouldn't let a disability get in the way of true love.
The 25-year-old, who is now engaged to a man she met online, spoke to The Mirror about the ups and downs during her quest to find the perfect match.
She said: "I have a bunch of disabilities and I managed to get through school and university, so I just brazenly assumed I'd get through dating too! While it's really easy to get upset when people are rude or ignorant to your disabilities and needs, it's so important to remember that they're not the people you're looking for."
Lily recalled how one particularly bad match was annoyed when he called her and she couldn't hear him. This was despite the fact she had made her hearing impairment explicity clear and had told the man about it directly.
The man mumbled during their date before "obnoxiously shouting" at Lily when she asked him to speak more clearly. She said: "When I told him that he just needed to speak clearly, he told me I sounded too much like his nan and I needed to back off. I understand being anxious or not knowing, but acting like that on a first date where you're on your best behaviour? No thanks."
When she was growing up, Lily was told not to use sign language and focus on lip reading – which isolated her from both the deaf and the hearing communities.
Tinder is hoping to bridge this language barrier by working with Deaf Action to encourage people to learn sign language, even if it's just dating small talk. It has released videos and stills with common questions for daters to learn, so nobody feels unable to find love.
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Lily said: "I found that for every ableist person, there were three or four lovely people who were open minded, who asked respectful questions and who were happy to work with me and learn how to navigate my deafness with our everyday life."
This included Ashiq Azeez, who she matched with in 2019 and fell in love at first swipe, with Lily getting "butterflies" on their first date. The pair from Kent are soon to be married and moved in together around Christmas 2021. They also have a son.
Ashiq said he never had any second thoughts because of Lily's disability, but it did make him "more considerate" about things they do, such as choosing a booth seat in restaurants to help her hear him. I also consider if films have subtitles, and if they don't, I call the cinema and request this. I also don't pick noisy environments so it's more enjoyable for both of us," he added.
"Don't assume you know how to manage any disability, and don't assume you know how it feels," said Ashiq, "For instance, I didn't even know that they couldn't get wet, so we need to look at the weather and always be prepared for rain, no matter what. Ultimately, don't think that you can deal with it or there are solutions that they haven't thought of. You're along for the ride now, ask questions and be kind."
"When I was dating," Lily said, "I struggled with finding a balance between being open about my disabilities and making the whole conversation about me and my disabilities."
She believes now she has found that balance with Ashiq, who added: "If I was to go back in time, I'd be less anxious about being with someone who is disabled. "I researched all of her disabilities and convinced myself of all the worst-case scenarios, and when I met her, she was a capable self-sufficient woman who didn't need me to save her or look after her."
Lily added: "I would encourage others not to be too serious when dating, to have confidence to just be you - do your thing and put yourself out there. I think it’s great that Tinder is encouraging deaf awareness - I have learnt a bit of baby sign to empower our son."
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