Sarah-Lou Gee cradled her newborn baby for the first time as the whirring and beeping of his life support machine gradually came to a stop. She had never held him properly before. Tragically, their first meeting was also their final goodbye.
Dainton-Lee was seven weeks premature when he was born on August 22, 2013 – weighing just 3lbs and 11oz. Clinging to survival, he was immediately rushed to the neonatal unit in Wigan where he was placed on a machine to help his breathing.
Just a day later, Dainton-Lee was transferred to an intense neonatal unit by ambulance where he continued to fight for his tiny life. “When I saw him a few hours later in his incubator looking so fragile with wires and tubes everywhere, my heart shattered,” Sarah said. “As the days passed, Dainton-Lee was slowly deteriorating, which was absolutely heartbreaking to see.”
After 10 agonising days, there was nothing more doctors could do. Sarah had to make the impossible decision to turn off his life support machine.
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“As the nurses and doctors started taking his tubes out and decreasing his medication, I was finally allowed to give my son his first cuddle,” she added.
“But at the same time, I was saying goodbye. By this point I fell to pieces. Within five minutes, Dainton-Lee gained his angel wings and I felt like my heart had been ripped out.”
Sarah spent the next few hours holding and talking to Dainton-Lee, telling him the things they would have done together. She also got him dressed for the first time.
Feeling totally numb, she placed the newborn down in his cold cot before returning to her room and cried like she had never cried before.
“The following morning, after no sleep and everything feeling so surreal, I went back to see my baby to say my final goodbyes,” she continued.
“I sat there for hours and hours just cuddling my boy before giving him a final kiss goodbye. I tucked him back in his cold cot with his teddy and blanket. As I left the room, I fell to my knees crying my eyes out.”
A post-partum later discovered Dainton-Lee died from rare heart condition TAPVD (total anomalous pulmonary venous drainage), severe pulmonary high pertension, severe lung disease, surfactant deficiency and sepsis, which had infected every part of his body.
“As any parent would feel, I was left mortified and completely heartbroken. It was the most traumatic event of my life.”
Sarah, from Wigan , went on to have three sons with her partner Darren – Noah, eight, Dominic, seven and two-year-old Damon. She now dedicates much of her time encouraging other mums to talk about baby and pregnancy loss. She also regularly raises money for Sands, a stillbirth and neonatal death charity in the UK.
Sarah has shared her story as part of Baby Loss Awareness Week 2022, which ran from October 9 to 15, with a candle lit today to honour and remember the young lives lost. Anyone looking to seek help and support for pregnancy or baby loss is encouraged find help at www.sands.org.uk .
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