Get all your news in one place.
100's of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
The Guardian - AU
The Guardian - AU
Lifestyle
Eleanor Gordon-Smith

My sister is getting opportunities I feel I missed. How do I grieve my past, but support her?

‘A surefire way to poison a relationship is to assume only one of you knows suffering,’ writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Painting: The Frankland Sisters (1795) by John Hoppner.
‘A surefire way to poison a relationship is to assume only one of you knows suffering,’ writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Painting: The Frankland Sisters (1795) by John Hoppner. Photograph: Penta Springs Limited/Alamy

My sister is a few weeks away from finishing her PhD – this is a massive achievement and I’m very proud of her. We’ve always been very close to each other, however she is now beginning to apply for early career researcher roles at various universities, which is raising some very strong and unexpected feelings for me.

Reflecting on these feelings, I finished a PhD around five years ago and went straight into a non-academic job that I do not like. I’m the oldest child in my family and I felt a lot of pressure – from my mother in particular – to stay in the same town with a regular income in order to support my younger siblings going through uni.

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100's of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.