In the kitchen of my Airbnb in Dar es Salaam I stripped down to my underwear and wrapped a colourful kanga cloth around my hips. It was day three of my dance lessons with Zaishanga, but I was showing no improvement. Zaishanga, or Auntie Zai as I called her, is a traditional sex educator, known locally as a somo or kungwi. She told me that learning to dance seductively would ensure that, “no man would ever want to leave you, unless you want him gone”. I never did master the dance, and I really don’t care much if a man chooses to leave me, but my time with Auntie Zai was enlightening.
Dance is just one of a range of seduction tips and tricks that Zaishanga teaches at her “kitchen parties”. She also counsels women on how to maintain a healthy marriage, and gives advice on the importance of self-care, and the need to maintain a standard of beauty and style. These gatherings, where experienced older women – aunties, big sisters, grandmothers – share advice with brides-to-be are rooted in traditional rites of passage into womanhood that date back centuries.
