My petty gripe: no flavour, no spice, no thanks – pious parsley is the Ned Flanders of the herb world

‘Finely chopped is the default, and the result is impossible-to-remove flecks marring my perfectly grilled marron.’ Illustration: Victoria Hart/Guardian Design

It may be inoffensive and ubiquitous, but parsley gives me the irrits.

You can keep your flat and your curly versions. You can’t seduce me with your fancy Forest Green or Extra-Curled Dwarf.