A flat white, as any self-respecting coffee drinker will tell you, should be a short, strong, balanced drink – espresso, a small amount of milk, minimal microfoam, absolutely no fluff. But a disturbing trend is sweeping Australia. Even in Melbourne – where people treat coffee with near-religious reverence – I’m now routinely asked: small or large flat white? I find myself regularly wincing into my keep cup.
A large flat white is an oxymoron – a bastardisation of the drink Australia claims to have given the world. The moment it takes a larger form, it stops being a flat white and becomes something else entirely: a milky latte, ordered by those too afraid to admit that’s what they really want.
Such is my passion for this important cause, I’ve spoken to many baristas about this and the story is actually one of quiet coffee creep: the standard flat white today is already edging towards latte territory. Even the director of the Melbourne Coffee Academy agreed with me – the integrity of the flat white is being slowly diluted by size inflation and customer customisation, with extra milk and foam sneaking in.
What makes this worse is that many people claim to have a forensic, borderline scientific understanding of coffee, but press them slightly and you’ll find their knowledge is weak (much like their coffee, no doubt!). As anyone unfortunate enough to drink a coffee I made during my brief and calamitous barista career will confirm, I’m no purist – but the size of a flat white is a hill I’m prepared to die on. If the amount of people ordering an “iced cappuccino” (as happened at least once a day during summer months) tells us anything, it’s that most people have no idea what they really want at all.
In the UK, not known for its coffee pedigree by any stretch, you can at least count on the flat white always being short, even if regularly undrinkable. If we’re going to keep stretching every milky coffee until they’re indistinguishable, maybe we should abandon the names altogether and just admit we’re ordering “coffee with milk, amount TBD”.
