A woman says her mother-in-law has become 'very depressed' following the sudden death of her father-in-law around a year and a half ago, and this has led to her acting in a sometimes difficult manner. According to this woman, her father-in-law had been her mother-in-law's 'whole world', and she feels great sympathy for her loss.
In fact, she was so deeply concerned, that she invited her to come and stay with them for a while. Unfortunately, the visit proved upsetting for everyone, and she's now reluctant to have her come and stay again in a couple of months' time, as had been originally planned.
Taking to Mumsnet for advice, the concerned daughter-in-law - who goes by the username @turquoisepenguin - recalled: "Unfortunately it was a disaster. She was in a terrible mood with my husband because he asked her to get the train (he used to pick her up and drive to ours but it’s a six-hour round trip).
"So she barely spoke to him or me for the first 24 hours. She didn't want to go out anywhere so she sat and watched daytime TV for six hours (this is not an exaggeration). She cried a lot of the time and turned most conversations around to my father-in-law."
At the end of the trip, her mother-in-law refused to say goodbye to her husband, as she was still angry about the train situation.
The couple was both left 'completely exhausted and fed up' by the end of the visit, while their children were confused by the whole situation.
She says her mother-in-law is 'clearly depressed', but won't accept any offers of help, and refuses to speak with a doctor or a therapist about everything she's going through.
Although they had planned to have her mother-in-law over to stay again soon, she now feels like abandoning the idea altogether as she just doesn't feel as though she can face another repeat incident.
One fellow Mumsnet user advised: "I had a sudden bereavement. At times I was a bit rude to people who were trying to 'cheer me up' when I made pretty clear I wasn’t ready. I realise they were trying to help but I didn't want or need to 'cheer up' on their timescale. People are allowed to be sad when they are grieving."
Another wrote: "My mother is in the same position as your mother-in-law and trust me, she will never get over it. You won't understand the pain and anguish she's feeling, and that's okay - unless you've been in that position, you wouldn't.
"All I can say is patience, compassion, and listening go a long way. Even though she sounds like she's being difficult, I'm sure she appreciates the change of scenery, even if it doesn't change the reality that she's living in.
"And also it's blimming difficult for you and your husband, don't get me wrong, I'm in that position now. Support is what she needs."
Cruse Bereavement Care offers face-to-face, telephone, email and online support for anyone who has experienced a loss.
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