My mother-in-law buys overly girly clothes for my daughter. I try to be gracious but it kills me – do I tell her to stop?

‘The bigger issue is that your mother-in-law is treading on a parenting preference of yours,’ Eleanor Gordon-Smith writes. Painting: Cornelia, Mother of the Gracchi, Pointing to Her Children as Her Treasures by Angelica Kauffman. Photograph: Public domain via Wikimedia Commons

I am the mother of a six-year-old girl, and I have relatively progressive views about gender. Among other things, I try to give my daughter a choice of clothes that are practical – T-shirts, leggings – and that tend to be unisex in colour scheme. There are no overly fussy and frilly skirts and dresses in pink and sparkles in her wardrobe. As much as possible, I try to buy non-sweatshop brands. These choices are part of a world system of values I want to show my daughter – that being a “girl” is so much more than just wearing a frilly dress; that we can have well-made things without contributing to the suffering of others.

My mother-in-law, on the other hand, loves buying these sorts of clothes for her granddaughter. She is a kind and caring woman, and this is one of her love languages. These clothes are often gauche, overly feminine, expensive and poorly made.