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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Philippa Perry

My mother died 25 years ago and I am still not over it

Mature businesswoman standing at window, looking worriedOffice, Berlin, Deutschland
‘You are hurting because you lost your mother before you were ready, so you will always have deep emotions about this.’ Photograph: Getty Images

The dilemma I am 50 years old, live a privileged life with my husband and our two children and really don’t want for much. My mother died very suddenly when I was 25 – she was 61. Her death was from a heart attack. We had no clue that she was gravely ill. My father died of bowel cancer in 2020, aged 81.

While it was very sad to see my dad’s decline, I felt able to come to terms with his illness and subsequent death. However – and the reason I’m seeking guidance – I don’t think I ever have really learned how to deal with my mum’s death. Even now, tears are coming to my eyes as I write this. How can this be right after 25 years? I should be over it.

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