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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle
Philippa Perry

My mother can’t accept that I don’t want children

Calculator,,Coffecup,,Watch,And,Family,Sign,Under,Prohibition,Sign,-Calculator, coffecup, watch and family sign under prohibition sign - childfree concept; Shutterstock ID 592487693; purchase_order: -; job: -; client: -; other: -
‘You will be bursting to tell her your points again, but resist the temptation.’ Photograph: Artem Postoev/Shutterstock

The question I am a woman in my 30s. I don’t want to have any children. It’s something I’ve thought about a lot and my husband and I are both happy and at peace with this decision.

The problem is that my mum is incredibly upset about it, and my relationship with her is suffering. I was taken aback by her reaction. She has said she feels heartbroken, especially since her friends have grandchildren. She also says it is as though she has no input into the future and that she’s worried I’ll die lonely and alone. I’m feeling as if I’m in some way not good enough for my mum, despite having strived to meet all the usual expectations (education, career, etc). Her passive-aggressive comments about children make me feel invalidated, as if my life is trivial or pointless.

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