My kids are grappling with language, but I’ve got some new words to learn, too

‘He is a prodigious reader and surreptitiously reads books, messages and, on one occasion, an issue of Viz over my shoulder.’ Photograph: Kaliantye/Alamy

‘What does rip mean,’ my son asked his mum. ‘It means to tear or cut,’ she answered, offhandedly. She’s more literal than I am, so she couldn’t see the existential query that was coming. ‘Huh,’ my son replied. ‘I thought so. Like on a grave.’ At this, she buffered. ‘Grave? Oh no that’s different. RIP stands for Rest in Peace. It’s something nice we say to people… when they… uh… pass away.’

‘Oh,’ he said, looking confused. ‘I thought it meant that if you rip all of someone’s hair out, then they die.’