Dear Coleen
I’ve been with my husband for 44 years and would like some advice regarding his family.
He is a very caring and loving father, grandfather and great-grandfather. Both of us are dedicated parents to the four children we shared after we went through divorces.
My children are now in their late 50s and early 60s and have given us tremendous support throughout the years.
At the moment, my husband is in remission from cancer and also lives with a pacemaker.
During his hospital treatment, he received very little support from his children, who were seldom to be seen when we could have used their help.
Over the years, my husband has never failed to show his love for his son and daughter, and their families, giving monetary gifts at Christmas and birthdays – but these are rarely acknowledged. Naturally, I’m annoyed because he’s always the one to get in touch.
We even stayed at a Premier Inn close to his family, thinking it would make a good base for them to visit us. Yet, only one nephew keeps in touch and came to collect my husband to stay with him for a few days.
Covid did have an effect, but things are no better now the restrictions have been lifted. I’d value your advice on whether I should interfere and tell his children how much their distance upsets him. I’m 81 and he will be 79 in June. I think it would be such a shame if they don’t realise how their actions are affecting us.
Coleen says
Yes, you do have a right to say something – and it doesn’t have to be accusatory and cause an argument. You have to get across to his kids that their dad is at a stage in his life where he’d really appreciate them making some time for him.
Remind them he loves them and he feels sad he doesn’t get to see them much. Just let them know how much you’d both appreciate it if they planned some visits because seeing them makes him happier than anything else.
This isn’t interfering, you’re just asking them nicely, and sometimes people need a reminder about what’s important. I hope it lands with them, but if they don’t change, they’ll have to live with the fact they didn’t make the effort.
I think we assume our family will be around forever, especially our parents who have always just been there, so we can take them for granted.
What’s good is that your children have been supportive and are there for both of you, so make the best of the family time you have with them.
