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The Guardian - AU
The Guardian - AU
Lifestyle
Eleanor Gordon-Smith

My husband and I run errands for a family dealing with a serious illness. Why do we feel used?

Eleanor GordonSmith Smiths
A painting depicting a tired woman resting in a chair, and a woman sitting next to her. They are positioned near a window, with the sun filtering through the curtains.
‘When you’re at the epicentre of a crisis like this, you learn these things don’t, in fact, get easier with time.’ Painting: Spring, attributed to Edvard Munch. Photograph: Artepics/Alamy

The daughter of our friends has leukaemia. It was initially diagnosed 18 months ago but she recently had a relapse. When she was first diagnosed my husband and I did everything we could to help where we could – by cooking meals and running errands, because naturally they were afraid of catching Covid while shopping.

When their daughter’s chemotherapy came to an end last year, we were so relieved and happy for them, but it was as if they disappeared. They would only get in touch when they needed something and seemed to spend most of their free time with the families of their children’s friends. We understood that they were trying to make up for the time lost while their daughter was in treatment but we couldn’t help feeling used. Then the relapse happened.

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