Dear Coleen, I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years and we live together in a rented flat.
We had a row last week over the same thing that causes all our arguments – my girlfriend hates my mess.
She also hates that I’m working from home, hates that I can’t make a sandwich without wrecking the kitchen, hates that I leave my work stuff lying around and so on.
She’s back working in the office and says she doesn’t want to come home at night to be greeted by dirty dishes and general chaos. I just don’t get wound up by it like she does.
Anyway, the row spiralled quite a bit and she ended up saying that we should live separately because it would probably be the best thing for our relationship.
It feels like a backward step to me, as we’re both in our mid-30s and I was hoping to move the relationship on by discussing trying for a baby and maybe buying our own place.
This idea of living apart is a curveball and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it. What do you think?
Coleen says
Well, if she finds it so hard to live with you now when it’s just the two of you, she might be thinking how would we cope if kids came along?
And she might be having serious doubts about spending her life with someone who is so clearly not on her wavelength when it comes to sharing a home together.
It’s all very well for you to think about and plan for the future because there’s nothing bothering you about her.
She’s not on the same page because she’s constantly clearing up your mess.
So, what do you do about it? I’d suggest pulling your finger out and making a proper effort to be tidier.
Why not ask your girlfriend to give you some time to prove to her that you can be better? It’s about respect at the end of the day.
You not caring shows a lack of respect for the home you share and for her.
If you worked in an office, you wouldn’t turn that into a tip, so don’t do it at home.
We all have days or times when we can’t be bothered, but if you’re messy and lazy all of the time, then of course it’s going to be very annoying (and very unattractive, too).
If you really love her and want things to work, I don’t think tidying up after yourself is a lot to ask.
