When dating someone new, you often judge them based on the way they treat you. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is thoughtful and kind with you, you surely see them in a positive light. But it’s equally important to know if they are polite with other people. Being with someone who acts poorly toward others can be a red flag.
A woman took to Reddit to solve her confusion about whether to stay or leave her fiance after his ex-girlfriend made some alarming allegations against him. The author, who has been in a committed relationship with the man for nearly five years, randomly received paragraph-long messages from an unknown account on social media. It was the ex-girlfriend texting and telling her some harsh details about her relationship with her now-ex-boyfriend. However, as her fiance had always treated with her kindness, the woman was unsure whom to believe amidst these revelations. Keep reading to learn more about this tricky situation in detail.
Sometimes, unsettling revelations about your partner’s past can make you question the relationship
Image credits: Bethany Ferr / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how his fiancé’s ex-girlfriend made alarming accusations against him
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Vera Arsic / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The honeymoon phase of dating
In the initial days of a relationship, we tend to believe everything is magical and perfect. In your eyes, your partner appears to be the best human on planet Earth. There are chances that you romanticize everything about them. So, something as basic as them asking about your day might give you butterflies.
Researcher Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa, Italy points out, “The nerve transmitters adrenaline and phenylethylamine, or PEA (also present in chocolate) increase when two people are attracted to each other and put them in emotional overdrive. Additionally, the relaxation, feel-good hormone serotonin lowers, causing you to obsess about your lover and consistently reflect back on the romantic times spent with him or her.”
Just the thought that you may have found your ‘soulmate’ can be so exhilarating that you might not be able to judge the quality of the relationship objectively. So how do you decide whether the relationship is worth pursuing? Well, you should take your time and enjoy the ‘honeymoon phase’ of dating first.
Talkspace therapist Rachel O’Neill, Ph.D. speaks about how our emotions during that time might cloud our judgment: “There are some people who are able to have perspective during the honeymoon phase. However, for most, this period is characterized by so many intense emotions it can be hard to really determine what is infatuation and what is legitimate connection.”
Once the newness and sparks die down, you’ll likely be able to see things more clearly. In the first few dates, you discover new things about your boyfriend or girlfriend. You get to know what’s their favorite meal, whether they like dancing or not, and things like these.
After you have been talking to the other person for a while, you are able to truly understand them. Hanging out with them in different settings gives you the chance to see your partner’s nature towards you and others. If you think the other person has good values and traits, you are more likely to continue your relationship with them.
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Trust is the foundation of any relationship
Now, in order to build a meaningful and long-term connection, there needs to be trust between the partners. Establishing and nurturing it extends beyond the initial stages. It requires continuous time, effort, and commitment from both parties.
Trust is the building block of any relationship, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. “To trust means to rely on another person because you feel safe with them and have confidence that they will not hurt or violate you. Trust is the foundation of relationships because it allows you to be vulnerable and open up to the person without having to defensively protect yourself.”
But if the trust is shaken or broken, chances are it will negatively impact the bond. Deception of any kind can be heartbreaking. It makes you question everything, as it becomes hard for you to trust anything your partner says or does. You might wonder if he or she is really the person you believed they were.
But what happens when you are left in doubt, not because of your partner’s actions but because of the claims of an external factor? When a third person is involved, we should always try to get both sides of the story before reaching a conclusion. Your faith in your partner can be tested for different reasons, and it’s important that you have an honest conversation with them during difficult times. Hear them out, and once you have the entire truth, you can decide how you want to proceed.
But if you feel absolutely clueless, you can always talk to your loved ones or ask people for advice online. What approach should the author have taken according to you? Has anyone ever broken your trust in a relationship?
Many people advised the author to talk openly with her fiancé before making a decision
