The question My six-year marriage came to an end after my ex-wife started an affair. At couples counselling I learned that when our eldest started school, my wife began getting attention from a few of the school dads. This excited her, but also made her aware that she couldn’t reciprocate because she was in a monogamous relationship. She began to resent me and our marriage – it wasn’t so much that she wanted another relationship, more that she wanted to experience the heady rush of a new relationship. She became infatuated with one particular dad and they began an affair. We had both couples and individual counselling. My ex soon felt “judged” and stopped attending. When I became upset about our marriage falling apart, she said she sympathised, but then told me I was just using “emotional blackmail”.
We’ve kept things civil for the sake of the kids. I don’t want to be a bitter ex. But I have a lot of unresolved anger – her behaviour and actions caused so much trauma, not just to me, but to her now-partner’s ex, her parents, our kids and friends. But I suppress it and even feel guilty about feeling it. My counsellor has challenged me on this, and has even said: “All we hear is how you’re understanding, but why aren’t you angry?” My ex says she must live her truth and be true to her feelings, that she tried her hardest and she’s only human.
