A Dubliner revealed how her debt almost destroyed her marriage before she found a 12-step programme for people struggling with financial issues.
Maria (name changed on request) was drowning in debt despite running a successful business. She told Dublin Live: "For me, I couldn’t understand why I was working really hard and I never had any money.
"It was like the money used to slip through my fingers. My relationship with my husband was pressurised because we’d argue a lot about money. He’d say, ‘€5,000 came in, where is it gone?’ and I’d say, ‘I actually don’t know’."
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Maria, who was in her 30s at the time, found herself asking for advance payments on her income and borrowing money from friends and family after struggling to pay her mortgage and credit union loans. She was at the end of her tether when she discovered Debtors Anonymous, a support group for people who are struggling with financial issues.
Maria said: "I remember going to my first meeting and just being in awe at people’s honesty during the meeting and seeing such hopes of members who had come in with a debt or money problem and were now living a prosperous and serene life with their money. Listening to that hope was what kept me going."
Debtors Anonymous is a 12-step programme, like Alcoholics Anonymous, that began operating in Dublin in 2002 to suppose those struggling with unsecured debt ranging from credit card debt, loans, student debt, store cards, borrowing from friends and family, or not being able to pay bills on time. She said: "It’s not a financial programme but there’s a real sense of prosperity and serenity when I worked the programme.
"When I committed to the programme, everything slowly started to change. My debt started to go down and I wasn’t incurring any new debt. For me, it looked like it was going to be 20 years before I could pay back my debt but actually that becomes even secondary.
"I thought I’d be doing a huge celebration when my debt was paid but actually it felt like just another day because I was in the programme and I wasn’t in fear anymore around money."
Recalling her struggles with her previous debt, Maria said she had no clarity on her spending before she joined DA. She said: "There were times where I couldn’t meet friends for dinner or go away on holiday because I didn’t have enough money.
"I couldn’t understand why I was working so hard and yet I didn’t have the money to do the things I wanted. I also had no clarity where my money was going."
One of the useful tools that Maria learnt was writing down her "numbers" every day. She explained: "Our numbers would be writing down today’s date, any income that has come in today, and anything that I’ve spent today.
"That’s the basis of the tool and from that we create a spending plan which is very different to a budget. A budget is very restrictive, whereas a spending plan is very expansive and fluid."
While DA is not a religious programme, it is a spiritual one, Maria said. She added: "A spiritual programme just means acceptance, hope, courage, honesty, patience and things like that.
"One of the things that really helped is meeting people who understood me. For me as a debtor, with other fellows in the programme, I’m being met on a practical level and on an emotional level which is the main thing."
Maria described DA as a "gentle, very loving, and very supportive" programme. Maria, who is now in her 40s, said she feels very secure about her life thanks to the programme.
"I don’t have any money worries. I know when my bills are due. I have savings, I have a prudent reserve for a rainy day. I have allocations for holidays and getting my hair done.
"Those things might sound trivial but actually there’s a real security in that. There’s serenity and peace. My life is very prosperous now. My relationships all got better too."
You can contact Debtors Anonymous by emailing them at debtorsanonymousirelandpi@gmail.com or calling them on 086 408 4468. You can also visit the Debtors Anonymous website to find out more.
Please note that the stories shared today express the opinions and experiences of the individual member, and not necessarily that of Debtors Anonymous as a whole.
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