Coming out of the closet' can be a scary experience for those in the LGBTQ community. According to Stonewall, only half of LGBT people feel able to be open about their sexual orientation or gender identity to everyone in their family.
But this is a path well trodden by many, and some of those stories have been shared on the Coming Out Stories podcast and book.
Award-winning broadcaster and journalist Emma Goswell began the series in 2018, after taking inspiration from her friend and fellow broadcaster Sam Walker. The book inspired by the podcast was released in 2021.
From celebrities to activists, both home and abroad, Emma hears the coming out stories from members across the LGBTQ community, as well as their advice for people who are thinking of taking that next step in their journey.
Speaking to The Out Crowd podcast, which has relaunched for Pride Month in June and can be watched below, the ‘Coming Out Stories’ host said: “You know, people are always finding new inventive ways of coming out.
“There was a lesbian I know who did it in a PowerPoint presentation to a family. I know people who have sent emails with attachments, or people who have come up on Facebook Messenger - all these sorts of avenues that weren’t available to me in the 1980s.
“One of my favourite stories that I remember covering when I worked at Gaydio (the LGBTQ radio station based in Manchester): it was about a young lesbian in America, and she got on some rollercoaster ride with her mum.
“There's always that one bit where they take a photo of you, and then they try and flog it to you afterwards. She'd made a sign saying, “Mum, I'm gay”, and then held it up at the exact point that the camera was going to take a picture of her.
“When they came off the ride, and then went to look at the picture, she was like, ‘Oh, yeah, that was me coming out to you.’”
Emma admits that her own coming out experience “wasn’t as dramatic as some of the people that I’ve spoken to”, but she found it difficult to verbalise her sexuality to her parents at the time.
“The thing about coming out is that it's an ongoing process, isn't it? And it's never one moment. But I always go back to that moment in 1989, when I didn't really want to come out,” she explains.
“I was just very upset that my first girlfriend had dumped me and I was an absolute morose teenager. Really, really down in the dumps. And my parents just didn't know what the hell was wrong with me or what was going on.
“My dad basically gave me an ultimatum. He literally turned around to me and said, ‘What the hell is wrong with you? Are you pregnant? Are you on drugs? Or are you a lesbian?’”
“I think I chose the best one out of those three,” the podcaster adds.
“At the time, I was so sick with anxiety because I was in the closet and I didn't really particularly want to come out but I couldn't really lie - and I knew that I wanted to tell them and I wanted their support, but I was so repressed.
“I couldn't even say the word lesbian or gay, I just went, ‘Yes. One of them.’ It's funny isn't it? It says something about the language around LGBT people, because it's been used in such a negative way about us for so long. It's very difficult to then start owning it yourself: coming out stories are endlessly fascinating.”
The ‘Coming Out Stories’ host believes that the interviews she has collected over the series will be her legacy.
“No matter how well you think that you know someone, when you really go deep, and really go back to those important moments, I was discovering things about my own friends that I never knew. It has just blown my mind.
“I really wasn't convinced of its merits to begin with, but now, I think this is one of the most important projects that I've ever done in my life. And I think, of everything I've done with my career, this will be my legacy: collecting all these stories.”
Despite collecting coming out stories, she admits that explaining her sexuality all the time can be “exhausting”, especially as a new parent.
“Yeah, it is exhausting. And it's just constant. Even more at the moment because I’ve become a parent,” she said.
“We are two mums bringing up a baby… It's on a daily basis I have to try and explain and justify myself and explain that we are two women bringing up a baby. And yeah, it's exhausting.
“Most health professionals are professional, aren't they? They just sort of go along with it. But the others that we have had moments where people are just confused.
“There was a hilarious moment in Alder Hey hospital when this woman thought that I was the Dad and misgendered me. And then tried to blame the fact that she had the wrong glasses on!”
With over 100 episodes released, and a book inspired by the podcast published, Emma has picked up a few tips for those in the LGBTQ community who want to open up about their sexuality and gender identity.
“I interviewed a guy in LA, and he said something interesting, which I hadn’t really thought of before, but it’s pretty obvious. Everybody who is LGBTQ goes through so much internally before they verbalise it.
“And he made the point that it's so important to come out to yourself first. You have to really understand yourself and understand where you're coming from before you can verbalise it.
“He used to actually say to the mirror: ‘I am gay.’ And he just would practice saying, ‘I'm a gay man, or I'm a homosexual.’ And it worked, it was really useful for him!
“But the main bit of advice is always the same: don't rush it. Nobody can tell you when is the right time - it's totally up to you, when the time is right, and when you feel mentally strong enough.”
She admits that there are “very, very few people who lose everything and their family disown them”, and this is the “worst case scenario” for many people who are still in the closet.
“I would always suggest coming out to a friend or someone that you don't live with,” Emma advises.
“No matter how scary and terrifying it is, and I'm talking about the people who really did lose everything, and really haven't spoken to their family ever again, every single person I've spoken to is 100 percent happier after coming out.
“Nobody I've spoken to regrets it, not a single person. They might have gone through a bit of hardship and a bit of turmoil and some tough times, but they are always happier, their mental health is vastly improved by coming out.”
Emma concludes: “All that LGBT people want is just to be treated the same as everyone else. We don't need you to throw a big party for coming out. We just want tomorrow to be the same as today. We just don't want anyone to treat you any differently.
“We just want to be loved and accepted for who we are. It's very simple. That is all we want.”
The Out Crowd is a Laudable production for Reach. The LGBTQ podcast is available on all major platforms, including Apple and Spotify.
