Dear Coleen
I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my partner since university but I’ve been thinking of leaving him, because I’ve found the past few months really difficult.
The bottom line is, we want different things and argue about it all the time.
He wants us to leave our jobs and go travelling, while I’ve been very keen to have a baby and take a career break.
He’s never been against having a family, but says he doesn’t want to do it in the near future.
So, here’s my dilemma. I’ve discovered I’m pregnant and now don’t know what to do for the best.
Over the years we’ve been a bit rubbish when it comes to birth control so I guess it was bound to happen at some point, but it couldn’t have come at a worse time.
Do I stay with him because there’s a baby on the way or do we call it quits so he can go travelling and I can focus on being a mum?
I do love him, but it frustrates me that he’s so stubborn and refuses to see my point of view.
I think at 28 our travelling days are behind us and I’ve no interest in living like a student again. I want stability.
Please help.
Coleen says
I think the first thing you need to do is tell him you’re pregnant and then have a serious discussion about things.
Putting it off isn’t going to make it any easier to talk about – you’ll just get more and more anxious, imagining different scenarios.
My first thought was, if your boyfriend really wanted to go travelling and not have the responsibility of a child, then why didn’t he take responsibility for contraception?
You might tell him and he’ll be excited and have a change of heart – he may want the baby very much and to be with you.
However, if that’s not the case, then there might still be room for a compromise – is there a way you can make the situation work for both of you?
Maybe he can take a few weeks off to travel before the baby arrives.
You sound certain that this child is what you want, so if neither of the above scenarios work out, then you have to talk about how involved he’ll be in the baby’s life and he’ll have to commit to contributing financially.
I know you’re worried about how he’ll react, but have the conversation sooner rather than later – worrying about it won’t give you the answer and will only make you stressed, which isn’t healthy.
