On the nights when he thought he’d gone too far, that he’d drunk too much and taken too many drugs, Matt Willis would leave notes for his wife, in case he didn’t wake up. “Saying sorry,” he says. In the morning, he’d find the note before she did and throw it away. He thought about dying, he says, “quite a lot. I was always terrified of that. Many times, it was at a point where my body felt like it was giving up. It’s very different when the addiction becomes physical.”
Willis, the bass player of the band Busted, has made a documentary exploring his addiction to alcohol and drugs, the effect it had on those around him, and the new research and treatment being developed. Originally, he wanted to focus on the science of addiction – he has become “obsessed” with it, he says, and he reads everything he can – but it became more personal. There was a screening the evening before we meet, which was the first time he’d watched it as a whole. “It was really hard to not just go: what have I done?” But he’s proud of it. In the past, when he talked about his addictions, “it kind of turned into some scandalous headline. I had a [recovery] sponsor early on who went: ‘Keep that shit to yourself, it won’t be good for your recovery.’”
