Dear Coleen
My auntie, who’s like a second mum to me, turned 50 recently and it’s had a really weird effect on her.
We’ve always been close and she even comes out with me and my friends sometimes because they all love her – she’s so young at heart, looks amazing and is so much fun. She can definitely keep up with us and we’re all in our early 20s.
However, I’ve noticed that when she’s out with us now, she drinks a lot, to the point where we have to help her out of venues and into taxis.
Last week, a few of us went back to my place after going to see a band and she was flirting heavily with one of the guys, even though she’s married, and ended up being sick in the toilet! I think she might have slept with this guy if she hadn’t felt so awful.
I’d expect this behaviour from someone my age but I’d still be asking them what was going on and if they needed help.
My mum is very different to her – she just sighs and says she doesn’t want to hear it and my auntie’s husband is so devoted, he’ll just put up with anything and never stands up to her.
Am I making too much of this or should I say something?
Coleen says
If you have a close relationship with your auntie, just ask her how she’s feeling. Perhaps she’s reached 50 and hit a bit of a crisis. I hated turning 50 – it felt like a big mental shift, probably because society does a pretty good job of making you feel old and redundant, and that you shouldn’t be doing certain things any more.
So maybe your auntie’s behaviour is a bit of a reaction to that – she doesn’t want to be put in that box, so she’s out to prove to herself and everyone else that she’s still young, she can still party and so on.
Again, the flirting might be a symptom of how she’s feeling generally. She might not want to actually sleep with someone else, but maybe she’s craving the attention because she’s not feeling loved or desired at home.
She’s probably also peri-menopausal or menopausal, which can have an impact mentally and emotionally, as well as physically.
Maybe she wants to offload on someone and you could be the person she’ll open up to.
Just ask her how she is because you’ve noticed she’s done a few things that seem out of character, and that you hope nothing is troubling her.
