A man who stabbed another man in the neck later told police: "The beast got dealt with and it was self-defence."
Thomas Brown accepts fatally injuring Lee Andrews but claims the 33-year-old "came at him" with a knife.
Brown, who denies murder, says he grabbed a second blade and stabbed Andrews once to defend himself.
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A trial has heard Andrews was knifed in his right jugular vein at Brown's YMCA flat, in North Road, St Helens.
Giving evidence at Liverpool Crown Court, Brown said "more should've been done" for Andrews and questioned why first aid wasn't provided by YMCA staff.
Cross-examining him over the events of August 2 last year, David McLachlan, QC, prosecuting, asked: "What did you do for him?"
Brown initially didn't answer and Mr McLachlan said: "The question is not going away."
The defendant replied: "I walked away."
Mr McLachlan said: "In your words 'like you didn't give a s***'. Is that right?"
Brown replied: "That's what it looked like."
He added that wasn't actually the case, stating: "Me head fell off. I was in shock."
Mr McLachlan suggested he "walked off without a care in the world", to which Brown said: "I didn't know the extent of the damage at all."
He has told the jury he didn't know at the time he had stabbed Andrews in the neck and hadn't intended to.
Brown said he didn't see blood on his hands until he walked around the corner and that he had a cut on his finger, from the knife he'd held.
Mr McLachlan asked: "How heavy was the blood coming from your finger?"
Brown said he didn't think much of the blood came from his finger and said he "wasn't trying to make excuses".
The QC showed the jury a photo of his flat and said: "Did you not see all the blood on that floor and think 'something bad has happened here'?"
Brown said: "No I didn't, no I f***ing didn't mate, me head was gone and I walked out."
He said when he saw the photos for the first time, "it broke my f***ing heart".
The trial has heard both men were drug addicts and both had previous convictions, including burglary and shoplifting.
Brown says Andrews was angry after it took him more than three hours to "score" drugs and "flipped and came at me".
It is alleged Brown had earlier told a friend he was "going to make St Helens proud" - by which prosecutors say he meant he was going to kill Andrews.
He later told police in a prepared statement that Andrews had been "bullying" him for a few months, but now says that isn't true and Andrews wasn't always a "bully".
Mr McLachlan asked him: "Did you make St Helens proud that night?"
Brown replied: "Are you being ridiculous?"
The prosecutor asked the question again.
Brown said: "Certainly not."
After he was arrested in the early hours of August 3 and taken to Belle Vale Custody Suite, Brown told a detention officer he was not happy being in custody.
The detention officer said the matter needed to be investigated and "that it is just the nature of the beast".
Brown replied: "The beast got dealt with and it was self-defence."
Mr McLachlan asked him: "Did you deal with the beast?"
Brown said: "That's a word I did say. That's something... I shouldn't have said that. I was angry, upset, a mixture of emotions."
He added that was sometimes how he felt when Andrews was being "an overwhelming presence".
Mr McLachlan said: "Did you deal with the beast on this night? Did you?"
"No," Brown said.
He has said when he returned to his flat, at around 10.40pm, Andrews was in his bedroom and there were two knives there.
Brown told the jury he went into his kitchen - where CCTV footage shows he turned the light on for eight seconds - to get tin foil for his heroin.
Mr McLachlan suggested this was the first time he had said that about the kitchen and he hadn't mentioned it in his interview or defence statement.
Brown said: "It's certainly not the first time, but do you know what, it was not important to me."
Mr McLachlan asked him what he kept in his kitchen drawer, to which Brown said: "A lot of things."
The prosecutor said: "Big knives?"
Brown replied: "Yeah, they're in there as well."
Mr McLachlan showed the jury a photo of the kitchen, with an open drawer, and asked if it "rang a bell".
Brown said he didn't see the drawer when he went to get his foil, and if he had, he would have closed it.
He said the two knives in his bedroom when he returned home were not kept in that drawer.
Mr McLachlan suggested there was a "simple reason" the knives got from the kitchen to the bedroom, adding: "You took them there."
"No," Brown said.
"Because you had to deal with the beast," the prosecutor said.
"No," Brown replied. "It wasn't like that at all."
Mr McLachlan said: "You had to make St Helens proud didn't you Mr Brown?"
The defendant said: "Who would be proud of this? No one would be proud of it. No one should be proud of it. If I am at any point proud then life me off, but it's not the case."
Brown has said when Andrews came at him with a knife, he pushed him away, then picked the second blade off a table and "just brought it round".
Under further questioning by Mr McLachlan, he told the jury he didn't look at Andrews neck when he stabbed him.
Mr McLachlan said: "Were your eyes open Mr Brown?"
"Of course they were open," he replied.
The QC said: "You knew full well where you were putting that knife, didn't you?"
"No," he replied.
(Proceeding)
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