A mum of four "wouldn't be around now" if a stranger didn't ask "something that no one asks you".
Naheed Tahir, 55, has been an unpaid carer for her daughter Amber since the 30-year-old was born, six months after Naheed's brother died. The family, from Mossley Hill, thought Amber, who is immune deficient and has global developmental delay, was blind at first because she "wasn't even smiling".
Her condition, which means she takes longer to reach social, emotional and educational milestones, leaves her "totally reliant" on Naheed, one of millions of unpaid carers in the UK. The 55-year-old lost friends because of a lack of understanding, which only got harder with the loss her mum's support when she died 20 years ago. Naheed said: "My life revolves around Amber. It's 24 hours, seven days a week. I've not known anything different for the last 30 years."
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"Right away thrown into caring", she set aside her dreams of going to university and becoming a doctor so she could care for Amber and her other kids, one of whom is a doctor, and another a teacher. Naheed said: "I think with ethnic minorities, you just think it's your duty, you've got to get on with it. You're not allowed to ask for help - it's quite shameful, 'Why would you ask for somebody else to help? It's your child. It's your responsibility to look after them'."
Five years go, Naheed had a breakdown when the pressure was so much she "just couldn't get up". During a visit to The Brain Charity in Liverpool city centre, Naheed was picking leaflets from various stands, including one run by Local Solutions, a charity supporting vulnerable people across the Liverpool City Region and North Wales
Naheed broke down in tears when a man at the stall asked "something that no one asks you". She told the ECHO: "I just started crying. I couldn't answer. All he asked me was, 'How are you?', and I burst into tears. I just said, 'I'm not alright'."
Realising something was wrong, the man urged her to get help from the the charity's Carers Centre. The centre gave her advice and helped with a free carer's assessment, which is done by local councils to assess what might help them in their caring role. This help can include respite breaks, advice, equipment and help with transport costs. Without this chance encounter and the support of Local Solutions, Naheed "probably wouldn't be around now".
The charity started its own scheme - MyTime - providing respite breaks and activities in 2015. Since then, it's given more than 4,000 unpaid carers from Liverpool and Wigan hotel stays, theatre tickets, meals out and access to cultural events.
Some of these are things Naheed has never had the chance to do before, even spending quality time with family members. She questioned whether it would benefit her at all, but the first time was offered a Sunday break just before the pandemic, "it was absolutely amazing". The 55-year-old said: "This was an opportunity where I'd gone somewhere and they were thinking about me."
Naheed went away with her eldest son, who helps care for Amber, and savoured having someone else make her breakfast, instead of waiting until she's fed everyone else and given Amber medication. She said "it was just something simple like having a bath" instead of a shower - on her own, with the door closed, and without thinking about what she has to do when she comes out.
Earlier this year, Naheed also had a facial and massage at Lush. She said: "Just to be able to sit down and relax. I actually fell asleep. They said, 'You've got so much tension, you can't believe it'. I actually fell asleep because I must have been just so mentally exhausted. To switch off for an hour or two was just unbelievable."
Roughly 4.5m more people became unpaid carers at the start of lockdown in March 2020, according to Carers UK, "meaning one in four (26%) UK adults were providing unpaid care to an older, disabled or ill relative or friend at the height of the pandemic".
The current economic crisis is putting additional pressure on carers. A recent Arriva bus strike disrupted Amber's independence, meaning Naheed has had to drive her to Alder Hey Children's Hospital where the 30-year-old volunteers.
With prices of food and fuel rising, Naheed is worried about the cost of showers and whether they'll have to wear hats, gloves and jumpers in winter instead of turning the heating on. But Naheed, who volunteers with MyTime offering breaks to carers, wants people to know some help is there. Naheed said: "It is really satisfying for me to be able to help somebody because I don't want someone to be in the position that I was in."
She added: "You need to look after yourself to be able to do your caring responsibilities. My daughter needs me, and if I don't look after myself, how am I able to look after her? That's what MyTime, Local Solutions and the whole organisation has taught me. I need to put myself first because it is very difficult for all carers."
Local Solutions' chief executive, Tom Harrison, is "very proud" of the charity's achievements and "all of the unseen work that goes on behind the scenes to empower people and support communities". Tom said: "The unconditional care shown by our teams and in our communities has provided the hope and energy needed to keep on going and empower people to reach their full potential, even in testing times."
He added: "Once again it has been a year about people, about their dedication and values, and the desire to empower change. We want to be transformative. We want to be creative, innovative and flexible and be there to empower people to achieve their own goals and to take control of their own lives. That is our ambition for Local Solutions, that's what drives our work."
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