A mum 'thought she was a good parent' but admits she spent £200 a day on cocaine.
Calling herself 'Louise' she spoke about the drug addiction which took over her life.
She said: "The first thing I’d reach for each morning was a line of cocaine to help get me out of bed,"
Louse admitted she needed drugs and booze to get through the day as she was 'feeling rough from the bender the day before'
She says she would have 'endless' amounts of wine all day as well as 'treating herself' to lines of coke.
"But she confessed alcohol and drugs took hold of her life.
The Daily Star reports she said: "At the height of my addictions, I was a shell of a mother.
"I thought I could juggle parenthood with what I perceived as my way of coping.
"It wasn’t until I got sober that I truly saw how wrong I was."
She got hitched to her husband over 15 years ago which led to them having a child together and she adored being a mother.
Louise said: "I absolutely loved being a new mum, especially because I had worked in childcare so I knew the score and motherhood came relatively easy to me"
When the couple had a second child, Louise admitted 'something had shifted'.
She began to 'resent' her husband because his life had not changed whereas hers had taken a completely different path.
"My world revolved around my children so I lost my own identity," said Louise
She also put more pressure on herself and wanted to be the 'perfect mum', but couldn't do it leaving her with with postnatal depression.
The mum dreamed of having downtime and looked forward to the arrival of her babysitter to allow her to go out with her pals every weekend.
It led her to 'go wild' and compensate for the life she felt she had missed out on.
Her mum and friends she says would 'spur each other on' and drink lots of booze and have 'few lines of coke' after a busy week.
Louise claimed 'around half' of other mums were snorting lines of cocaine and she felt this 'justified' her addiction.
But things got out of control and began impacting her children.
And she began drinking and taking drugs while she was alone.
This culminated in the breakdown of her marriage in 2017 as her addictions 'spiralled out of control' and took £200 of cocaine a day to 'numb her pain'.
She said: "I thought that because the kids were still being fed and looked after, I was a functioning addict, but I wasn’t actually present for them. Looking back, I can see that this is how I was failing them the most."
The self-indulgence continued until lockdown in March 2020.
It prompted her to look online for ways of ditching her addictions and resulted in her signing up for a six-week course of online treatment to tackle her cocaine and alcohol addiction.
She's now on the road to recovery and urges others suffering with drug and alcohol addiction to reach out for help.
If you or someone you know is struggling and needs to talk, call the free Samaritans helpline 24/7 on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or find your local branch online.
