A mum who "hated" herself and felt she "needed to be punished" due to her eating disorder has turned her life around and become a body positivity coach.
Nicola Chan from Formby developed an eating disorder as a teenager. Now at, 39, the former bodybuilder has undergone a huge transformation.
After being sexually assaulted at the age of 14 Nicola said she was looking for a way to control and understand what happened to her. She said it was one of many "contributing factors" that led to her developing Non-Purging Bulimia.
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The disorder is characterised by patterns of binge eating followed by ingesting stimulants, fasting and excessive amounts of exercise.
Speaking to the ECHO Nicola said: "I think when you are so young you are emotionally not ready to experience something like that and I started having panic attacks. My mum put me on a diet of no breakfast, half a marmite sandwich for lunch and then a small dinner which would cause anyone to binge eat."
Being conscious about her body, Nicola started to take an interest in fitness and eventually become a fitness instructor but said she "felt like a fraud" due to her eating disorder. Nicola said: "I had no control and I felt disgusting, feeling that much shame and guilt goes so far beyond your eating habits.
"I had become destructive and tried to control everything with food and exercise. I would binge on healthy food and then buy anything chocolate."
She then took up bodybuilding hoping that getting a "perfect" and "lean" body would help to curb her growing eating disorder. Nicola who is originally from London said: "I thought it would fix me I was only ever supposed to do one but I ended up doing four shows in three months.
"I had such a distorted view of what normality looked like I even started looking at my children as if they were fat and at the end of the shows, everyone would bring suitcases full of food and start binge eating. I asked other bodybuilders how they would control the binge eating and they just told me to start training for another show."
Nicola said she then went on a 12-week cycle of binge eating followed by intense training. Realising that her eating disorder had gone too far in 2016 Nicola started looking for a way out.
The mum of two said: "I was completely lost and I was spending 95 percent of my brain hating myself every single day and it was exhausting. So I started researching body positivity I had no idea there was a world of people who loved their bodies."
Nicola has now started her own body positivity company, Wai-Shee, where she gives courses on body confidence and offers personal training classes. She said: "I'm lucky that I got out but I am still aware of the comparisons people can make and I just have to be me.
"The more I do the classes the more it is reminding me to be comfortable in my own skin and how important it is to live in your body rather than just looking at it."
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