A mum claims she may charge her husband for lost earnings if she has to give up her job to look after their daughter while he works away. The woman has sparked debate after questioning whether she should ask her husband to compensate her for loss of "financial independence" as a result.
After her post on popular parenting website Mumsnet received a hundreds of responses, the debate moved offline and was discussed on ITV's This Morning today (March 10). The woman said her husband is a contractor who will soon be staying with his mum to commute to a new job five days a week after working from home for four years.
She said they have "never really shared finances wholly" and as she works unsociable hours, her "earning power will be severely impacted" if he takes the job. The mum added she has "no outside help" with caring for her daughter.
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In her Mumsnet post, she continued: "I've told my husband that he will either have to top up my wages to how much I've lost or pay for a nanny. I also have a health condition and compressed hours make it easier to manage.
"He is saying I'm being unreasonable and that it's good he's earning more money but I don't believe it's beneficial in anyway to my life. I would rather he took the job with less pay so I am able to work as I need too."
She added: "I feel I have financial independence at the moment and the working away would make me feel vulnerable." This Morning presenters Alison Hammond and Dermot O'Leary discussed the contentious situation with Carol Vorderman on today's show after the post went viral.
When asked for her thoughts by Alison, Carol said: "I kind of get where she is coming from." Dermot added: "You'd think it'd be a conversation they'd have before this happened." Carol continued: "You would really, but maybe if they have separate bank accounts, then it's a negotiation isn't it?"
She added: "It's like, 'I can't now go to work as much so I think I should have a little bit more...' _ I can see where she's coming from. I think it's complicated, and really they should just have a chat about it."
Over on Mumsnet, the post generated much discussion among other parents. Whatthebejesus wrote: "You're married but treat finances separately? I'd be less worried about the living at his mums during the week - plenty of people work away Monday to Friday.
"However he still has the responsibility of children and childcare/pick up. So how is he going to manage that? You shouldn't be out of pocket or inconvenienced to support him in a decision if he has no intention of valuing your time."
Cherms posted: "He's not thinking about you or his daughter. He's thinking about what's best for him. Perhaps you could have a conversation where he writes down pros and cons of each role from his, your and daughter's perspective. Hopefully then he'll see it's all about pros for him, not thinking about the cons for you or her."
Commah said: "Well if it’s his daughter too then why do you need to care for her? You as a couple need to care for her, not you as an individual. And no he shouldn’t be topping up your wages - both salaries should be going into a family pot. It’s a huge red flag that you don’t have shared finances - he’s clearly trying to keep his money for himself, which you simply can’t do when there are kids to be paid for."
Viviennemary added: "I think he should pay towards extra childcare if it's needed. I don't think this will work." Thecatsthecats wrote: "You seriously need to talk about finances and your shared life arrangements.... It's not a case of 'charging' him, it's about how you both fund and contribute to your shared lives."
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