A mum is "hurt" after winning a large sum of money has led her friend to give her "the cold shoulder".
The mum didn't win the money on the lottery but was awarded it as compensation after going "through hell" while pregnant with her child. Thanks to the windfall, her "dream of buying a house is achievable" but she feels as though her friend is "not happy for [her] at all".
Taking to Mumsnet's popular Am I Being Unreasonable [AIBU] thread, the mum sought advice on how to handle her friend's behaviour. She also wanted to know if her anger was misplaced, or if she had every right to be upset with her friend.
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In a post titled "Friend giving me cold shoulder for winning money and buying house", she explained she announced the news of her compensation win to friends but "wasn't bragging or rubbing it in their faces" and had assumed they'd be happy for her given her difficult experience. She continued: "Out of these friends, I'm the one on a low income that's kind of been scraping by, the others are better off.
"One friend in particular did not acknowledge it and changed the subject, I didn't know if it was intentional at the time. I know this friend has been saving up to buy a house for a while. However she lives with family not paying rent and bills and puts everything she can into savings. She has more than enough to put a deposit on the kind of house I'm looking to buy (literally a starter home), but she wants to put a large deposit down on a huge detached house with everything top of the range so it can be her forever home. She is willing to live with relatives and never pay rent until she can achieve this.
"Anyway, I ended up asking her directly about some mortgage stuff before I see a broker as I know she's been researching this lots whereas it's all new to me. She just replied "idk [I don't know]" and then moved the conversation on. Since then she's been giving me the cold shoulder in the group chat.
"I feel hurt because it feels like she's not happy for me at all. I went through hell and honestly I wish I never got the money if it meant I didn't go through what I did to be entitled to it. But the moment something good happens in my life she doesn't care. Yet recently I've been happy for her for getting a promotion and doing well in her career. I feel like I can't even raise it with her because I will sound crazy asking why she's not happy for me!"
She added: "I'm starting to get the impression she begrudges any leg-up other people get that she doesn't, and probably feels the same way about me winning my claim. AIBU [am I being unreasonable]?"
The woman's post was met with hundreds of responses from fellow Mumsnet users, keen to share their thoughts.
One said: "YANBU [you are not being unreasonable] and she sounds spoilt and selfish. Enjoy your new home OP [original poster]."
A second said: "YANBU. She's not a friend. If she were, she'd be happy for you. Jealousy is a horrible trait."
A third Mumsnet user said: "I’ve experienced similar. You have to ask yourself, why would anyone be jealous when the money comes off the back of something negative which has harmed you? That’s a s****y person who likely does not deserve your friendship."
One user suggested: "Maybe its not jealousy and they just don't approve of how you got the money eg did you sue someone / healthcare claims etc?" To which, the mum replied: "Well if they don't approve of the way I got it I'd be even more appalled to be honest after everything I went through." She then revealed: "Me and my unborn child's life was placed at risk".
Another Mumsnet user commented: "Sometimes in group of friends, and families, there's an unspoken hierarchy and pecking order. If you've been scraping by it could be that she's looked down on you and enjoyed that she's doing better than you. Now you've upset the order by being able to buy a house. She's not happy about her new position below you, not only are you buying she's not even renting! You might find a few other ruffled feathers as you progress, but it does settle down. Treat her with caution though, she hasn't got your back. Enjoy your new home and may you always have the wind at your back."
And another advised: "Is there any chance that she was expecting you to give/lend her some of the money? (Obviously if that is the case she’s completely out of order!) Try not to let her get to you too much, you have obviously been through an awful experience and I imagine the legal proceedings were stressful on top of that. If people didn’t make a stand then what incentive is there from the top to truly improve things so they don’t happen again. Good luck with your house buying."
In a follow up comment, the mum added: "This is a possibility, I mentioned upthread I had considered this. Or it could be a contributing factor maybe. Because she was supportive of me as a friend when it was all going on and she was egging me on with the legal case, like maybe she thinks she deserves to be compensated? She might be under some kind of impression that if it weren't for her I wouldn't have gone through with it, but she was one of many people who gave me some words of encouragement and I didn't go to the courts on her say so.
"I've already had to part with a significant portion of the money in legal fees too. It's by no means a huge sum of money, it is a modest sum that is enough to get me onto the bottom rung of the property ladder."
At the time of writing, 92% of Mumnset users voted the original poster was not being unreasonable.
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