Dear Coleen
I’m facing a real dilemma this Christmas. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend a few months ago and my mum has invited him over to our house over the holidays with his parents to celebrate her and my dad’s 40th wedding anniversary.
My parents have been friends with my ex's parents since we started school at five years old, so I understand why she’s invited them, but not why my ex has to come along too.
I’ll be there with my new boyfriend and I’m already feeling awkward about it.
My ex and I didn’t separate on the best terms, and it was me who pushed to end the relationship, so he’s quite bitter about what happened.
I have tried talking to my mum about it, but she sees the good in everyone and doesn’t understand why we can’t all get along. She also says my ex is like a son to her and didn’t want to leave him out just because we’re not a couple.
The truth is, I didn’t tell her everything about our relationship and he was a nightmare towards the end, and said some horrible things to me.
I feel angry but don’t know if I’m overreacting. Please advise.
Coleen says
To be honest, I think if anyone’s going to feel intimidated and awkward, it’s likely to be your ex. I’m not sure why he’d want to be there with you and your new boyfriend.
I think that your mum should at least warn his mum of that and give him an “out” if he wants to bail.
As you say, your mum doesn’t know the full story around the break-up, so maybe you should tell her and explain why you don’t really want to be in the same room as him, given how things were left at the end.
She probably thinks you’re happy again with your new man and feeling strong and in control, so your ex being there shouldn’t be an issue for you.
However, if he does show up, say hello and move on – I’m sure there will be plenty of people to mingle with and if he does want to talk about how your relationship ended, remind him your parents’ party isn’t the time or place to have that chat.
I’d be surprised if he kicked off in this situation because he won’t want to embarrass himself or his parents.
Also, it might actually work out fine and provide some closure for both of you.
