A woman has asked other concerned mothers for advice on how to handle a hurtful letter that her daughter was sent home from school with. The woman was upset to receive a letter from her daughter's school that said she was very overweight.
The woman told MumsNet that even while she was pregnant her daughter was always in the 98th centile for weight but she said the issue is with her weight and not her height. The mum said her daughter had maintained the 98th centile for weight consistently while she was breastfed up until she was six months old which was applauded until that point. However, after six months the health visitors began making a "big deal" out of her weight.
Now she's at school, the mum said her daughter came home from school with a letter saying "she's very overweight." You can get more stories like this by subscribing to our newsletters here.
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The mum posted: "What can I do? She eats good, home cooked food, has the odd treat but generally healthy and normal child portions. She’s very active both structured (does dance, swimming and gymnastics) every week and unstructured (walks the 40 minute round trip to school daily, parks and long walks on a weekend, runs around the garden. She doesn’t look fat (to me) but she is solid and does feel heavy to pick up."
In the letter the mum was advised to contact the doctor or health visitor for advice but she added: "The GP says she’s absolutely fine and will grow into her weight and had no concerns. Health visitor just weighed and said she’s still overweight and to watch portions.
"Day to day I don’t worry about it as she looks fine and is super active but the letter has taken me right back to her two year check and being made to go monthly to the health visitor for weight checks and their disapproving looks when she continued along her centile."
She asked for the advice of other mums on what to do next. In the comments one person said: "There's a whole heap of denial on this thread. Centiles work for the vast, vast majority of children, that's why they're used. We've become too used to seeing overweight children and have forgotten what a normal, healthy weight looks like (skinny, visible ribs/collar bone/shoulder blades).
"Sorry, some children just have a tendency to gain weight - looks like you've got one of those. Don't make a big thing about it, don't let your child know you're doing it, but look at what a healthy child's portion is. Maybe buy smaller plates so they don't feel deprived. Kids need diets higher in fat than adults, but not massively so - you don't need to be giving full-fat milk etc. Her activity levels sound fine so focus on diet."
Another person commented: "This is why I opted out of my reception child being weighed - it creates unnecessary concern and could do harm or damage in the long run. Some kids are just hefty, no matter their diet or activity level. I ate the same as my brother and sister growing up and did the same sorts of activities; they were both beanpoles and I was solid. I went on to develop an eating disorder as a result of being put on a restrictive diet as a child, so I’m much more wary than most about this topic, but carry on the way you are, don’t draw attention to her weight and praise her abilities, and I’m sure she’ll either grown into her frame or just be one of those solid people - nothing wrong with that!"
While another said: "I think recognising early on when the child is not visibly looking what we'd call fat, but realising they are in fact bigger than most of their peers is when you can make the most difference. Its only going to get worse if as parents we refuse to tackle the problem before it gets too bad. As they grow."
